Failed mission, Successfully. (ErwinXLevi)

21

Levi's pov:

Everything has felt slower, my whole life moving slower. Every passing day is another knife stabbing me. My chest always feels tight, yet I still keep moving. Until I can fulfill that promise to Erwin.

I couldn't even bare the uncontrollable anger I felt as Zeke Yeager, the beast titan, sat in-front of me. As much as I also was mad at Eren, It was still our job to protect him. I believe it's still the right choice.

I stared down at Zeke, the background conversation practically muted behind me. My blood practically boiled having this man near me. I wanted to cut him up into tons of tiny pieces over and over again. I want to hear his screams and pleads as I continue to cut him up. Leading all up to when I slit his throat.

Yet, I can't. Not yet.

"Hange." I finally took my eyes off Zeke to look over at them. Before they could answer a gunshot went off making everyones eyes widen.

I glanced at both Eren and Zeke to make sure they weren't going anywhere. The dying need to check but we have to stay and watch these two.

It wasn't too long before Connie stepped in making everyone look up at him. He had tears running down his face, "Sasha.. She.. she's dead."

I felt my eyes widen, it was almost as Erwin's death was happening all over again. It was almost like I was years younger, sitting on that rooftop begging for him to not be dead even after I knew his heart had stopped a long time ago.

In the corner of my eye Eren could be seen, smiling. Fucking smiling. I couldn't help but grit my teeth, lowering my head. This shouldn't hurt. We do this everyday, why does it hurt.

Mikasa came in next, holding two kids by the collar of their shirts. Both of their eyes immediately went to Zeke as they scattered over to him. I couldn't help but glare at Zeke before I noticed Hange staring at me.

"Hange.." I started, I was about to touch their shoulder when they turned around quickly, grabbing my hand. I winced silently at their tight grasp. Everyone's eyes glued on us. "Hange? It's okay." I tried to comfort, looking into their eyes to try and find what was wrong.

Their eyes were slightly widened as tears slowly streamed down their face. I felt my eyes soften seeing the taller woman cry. "Damn it, Levi!" their head dropped down, hiding their face from me and everyone else. "Stop looking at me like that Levi!" They yelled, letting go of my hand to push me backwards into Eren.

I quickly caught myself, standing up straight. "Hange.." I started before they interrupted, "Shut up! I lost Erwin too! For once could you stop staring Zeke down and just listen to me!" Their voice echoing throughout the whole airship.

I felt my arms fall limp at my sides, the full bringing up of Erwin. "We all lost people, Levi. Stop acting like you're the only one!" They lifted their gaze to connect to mine. I kept my emotionless face as I stepped towards them.

My eyebrows furrowed, tilting slightly down and making my eyes narrow. "I will not lower my guard for a second around that thing." I scolded, referring to Zeke. "Hange, I watched him kill more than half of the Survey Corps. Why would you think he would hesitate to kill us either? Are you out of your mind?" I tried to keep calm but tones of anger were slowly slipping into my voice the more I talked.

"Hange." I sighed, staring at Zeke whose eyes were already on me. "I will drop my guard once I kill him. I made a promise to kill him, all of you are lucky I'm trying to help you with this plan rather than kill him on my own selfish wishes." I only narrowed my eyes as I looked at Zeke. All the anger I felt only made my blood boil. Being in the same area as him was over the moon frustrating.

"You really don't care, do you?" Hange's question caught me off guard, almost forgetting the man next to me. "You don't give a single shit for my feelings! I doubt you care about anyone else's either!" Their voice raised, no tears in their eyes, pure anger. Which was quite rare for Hange. "You're just too busy being a dead man's pet." They scoffed, walking to the front of the airship.

I didn't have any words. No, they really just pissed me off. One thing I never have liked is being referred to as Erwin Smith's 'pet'.

"So, We can't be friends?" Zeke smiled looking up to me. I stared at him dumbfounded as if he didn't hear anything I had said before Hange went on their small rant.

"Shut up." I scoffed, moving my eyes to the floor.
~~~

I sat down between Zeke and Eren, keeping my head low to avoid their glares. I didn't dare to blink from the fear all the tears pooling in my eyes would race down my face.

Usually when it had been a super hard day and Erwin's death was brought up i'd cover my upper body with my cape and lay next to him. Perhaps it was in hopes of being dead with him, maybe just to be near him. Either way, he was buried now and I was way too far from where his grave is.

Quite often it felt like his soul was haunting me, though it would just sound like Erwin saying 'Everything is fine'. I wish everything was fine, but god do I really just wish I was dead.

Fucking hell, Erwin. I'm sorry for pushing you away and telling you to leave. I'm sure you're happy and comfortable wherever the hell you are, but god, please just come back. Come back to me, Erwin Smith.

As much as I could sit here and plead the imaginary Erwin in my head to come back, I have an open gate to get to him. I could betray everyone here, killing Zeke, then myself. Though I've never wanted to really go out by suicide. Damn it, I don't want a 'pathetic' death but if it's to see Erwin again, I can settle.

What even comes after death? I guess i've told myself Erwin is a little boy again, living with his dad. That it's a titan free world wherever he is. Less pain, less death, overall, happier. I hope that Erwin gets to have long walks on the beach as he laughs with his father, no more guilt, nothing. No memory of this life.

Thinking it to myself, this new life i've imagined for Erwin to rid me of my guilt, I completely left myself out of it. I'd love for him to remember me, yet that comes with the memories of this hell, which are no memories any decently happy person could have and still keep their normal life, right?

Hell, I'll find you Erwin. I will do everything in my power to remember this life, to find you. Wether you remember me or not.