Dearest, you said || Freenbecky || Completed

Chapter 22: I am sorry

Freen's POV

"What if I move in with you as well? How about that? Are you willing to go with me?" I suggested.

"Of course, I will follow you if that's what you want to do. But, are you serious about it?" 

"Yeah, if that's what it takes for you to go. I would. I could find a job there while we try settling down with your family even though my savings could save me more than a year." I was trying my best to persuade her to make her go. 

"Yay!!! I am so excited. I will tell my mom about this then. Bye, BB!" She was thrilled by the news.

After Beck left, I called her mother about the change of plan, and she was okay with it. I guess this has to be done to make her go.

...

When Beck and I graduated from the university, we prepared for our one-way trip to the UK. Beck was so excited about me going with her. I tried to fake a smile throughout the journey, knowing that this would be the last time I saw her. Her mom realised my mood and advised me a lot about how my friendship will go from here.

"You guys are officially together, isn't it? I am sorry, Freen... for making this difficult for you. In return, I promise you to take care of Beck with all of my heart," Her mom gave me a comforting hug.

I was very distressed during the trip, and when we arrived in the UK, I noticed how devastated I would be once I left Beck here with her family. Suddenly, at the airport, I bid my farewell to Beck's family, including her, and she was very confused. 

"Where are you going, BB?" Beck perplexed.

"I am going home, Beck... I am sorry for lying to you... I cannot stay with you here because I have my life in Thailand." I was disappointed in myself.

"Am I not part of your life?" She felt betrayed. 

"You are, Beck... but I have to do what is best for you."

"Well, you are wrong for saying that leaving you is what is best for me. You don't know me well enough, Freen. You know what... just go. Don't come back looking for me." She said without looking back.

At this time, I sobbed at how terrible our situation was. "Beck... don't go..." I hugged her back and said I would come back again to make it easier for her to accept my leaving.

"Just go... I will try to be okay if that's what you want me to do. So, stop hugging me." I put an end to the hug and let her go. At the same time, she looked back and faded away from my sight.

My heart was falling apart as I sobbed nonstop throughout the flight. "Why do I have to make our relationship worse," 

I think I've gone way too far, and it's too late to fix it when I arrive in Thailand. And I need someone to comfort my broken heart. I need my mother. 

Three months later

It's been months without Becky. Every time I think of her, I automatically cry. Every girl I see looks somewhat like her. Now, my life is darkening with no happiness. I don't know who I am now ever since she left.

If only I knew how much I loved her, I wouldn't go this far to make her stay away from me. How dumb am I to let her go?

I'm on the ropes this time to stay alive, and I've been trying to toughen it up to find my happiness again. But there are no reasons left for me to live. My routine is now full of tears, loneliness and a lack of eating. And honestly, I am this close to dying if not because of my mom.

"Freen...you shouldn't stay like this. I know Beck would agree with me if you could be happy and move on with your life." My mother tried to encourage me to live my life.  

"But mom...I love her very much. I need her mom..." I cried again. 

I am used to being happy with her, but now I have fallen into a hopeless world where I no longer deserve to be happy.