38: Pathetic, let's give it a try

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Jeno

I'll admit, after the kiss, it got awkward. I mean, what do you do after kissing the person you basically just agreed to be a distraction for? A person that will help to cope, I would like to word it. It makes it sound a little less vulgar and inappropriate... I think.

I had to remember that it wasn't real. We would treat it as it was, for our sakes, but it wasn't. The way our lips moved in synch against each other was simply out of pleasure and the passion in it was just out of need. 

We cleared our throats after separating then he waved at me and ran off while I stayed behind. I look around for anything that would amuse me but after a few seconds, walk off as well. We were done with school for the day so Donghyuck must be going to work while I have to go home. Though, I didn't want to. But what else could I do?

'What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?' The same phrase keeps repeating repeatedly in my head no matter how much I try to remove it. It's just there. A small voice in the back of my head with the need to remind me that this is a bad decision no matter how many excuses I can make up for it. 

It can't be that bad, I told myself.

I'm doing it for me, I tried to convince.

It's better this way, I said.

I have to forget everything she did, I finally concluded.

Now that I look back to the days that I dated that cheating bitch, I can now see how manipulative and cunning she was. Frankly, I knew all along but there was always a sort of filter in my brain that let her words get to me, that made me do whatever she desired. 

Pathetic.

What type of person gets willingly manipulated?

I guess that the answer is me, Lee Jeno.

I was so desperate for someone, anyone to put their attention on me that I took the opportunity. Everyone ever runs in the opposite direction from me, avoids me, and turns around in my presence. I hate it. Why had people even gotten this impression of me? Was it the black clothes and the stoic face? Was that really all it took?

Yes, I'm pathetic but that doesn't mean that everyone else isn't.

Jaemin

"Hyung, where are we going?" The hands over my eyes are making me uneasy. I make sure to be extra slow and careful with each step I take.

"Just hold on a minute, Jaem," he mumbles, giving off the impression that he's directing his attention elsewhere.

"I swear to god, if I fall, I will forever make you pay for it, Mark Lee." I huff to get my point across but he simply laughs. AS IF IT WERE FUNNY. "Hyung! I mean it! It would be the second most pathetic way to die if I fall and hit my head somewhere."

"What's number one?" He snickers.

"Dying in school. Duh," I tell him matter-of-factly. "Can you imagine dying at school? Literally, the worst way to die! If ghosts do exist, I would have to haunt a school forever. I am NOT in for that!" I exclaim. Was I starting to ramble? Yep. "I mean, at the beginning, it would be fun to torment kids and all but then hearing lectures all day long is not something I want to spend all of eternity doing, thank you very much."

The hands get removed from my eyes as we finally stop. My vision was back but I blink a few times to regain focus. Mark is now standing in front of me with a foolishly fond grin on his face as he looks at me. Dare I say; that smile made him look lovestruck?

Now full of self-consciousness, blood runs to my cheeks and ears making both of them red while I pursed my lips together, my gaze falling down. "Stop looking at me like that."

"I had never seen you like that." He didn't say it in a malicious way, not with bad intent at all. His voice sounded loving and full of adoration, rather. The thought made me blush even more than a minute ago. "God, you just made me like you even more than before," he tells me--though it sounded more like a thought he had up in his head--before putting his arms around me. "Have I told you how much I love it when you blush? Because I'll let you know now, I adore when your blush," he chuckles lightly, separating the hug only to cup my face in his hands. 

He pecks my lips lightly (something he has been doing very often--not complaining) with a wide smile tugged onto his lips. I grin back. What can I say? His smile is infectious like that.

"Stop embarrassing me and tell me why we're here," I tell him, only now registering where we are. The exterior was all too familiar; the front wall was mostly glass, the white door rimmed with fake plants and flowers. The outside tables were mostly occupied with customers, taking advantage of the nice weather today, and most importantly, through the furthest table outside, you had a perfect view of the person behind the counter. Lee Donghyuck. "Mark-Hyung, what are we doing at 'Let Me In Cafe'," I continue, rather sternly this time.

(A/N: I don't remember giving the cafe a name so I'm naming it this. If ykyk. *very bad wink*)

He rubs his nape, glancing at the cafe to me. "I told you I wanted to try. I want to start now," he states sheepishly, a sort of determination seeping through his voice. 

I blink once, and then twice, then thrice, until I finally register what he just said. "Wow, um," I don't know what to say if I'm honest, I never actually thought that this day would come. "A- are you sure, Mark-Hyung?" I question, looking at him with concern.

He sighs and steps closer to me, placing his hands on my forearms, holding me in place, and looking deep into my eyes. "I've thought about it long and hard, Jaemin. I want this. I know I do." I wanted to protest but his voice was so sincere that there was just no way for me to counter.

"O- okay," I let out a shaky breath, turning my head to see a smiling Donghyuck serve a customer. "Okay."

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