Divine Timing

Buttah

"Lord you are good! You've been so good you've been better than good! I can't praise you enough! I owe you my life! Can't thank you enough, even if I tried!" Buttah sang "Lord you are good" by Todd Galberth while in the shower.

One thing about Buttah, she was very comfortable with who she was, and a natural at expressing herself through music and dance. She switched from gospel to R&B occasionally.

"So I like what I see when I'm looking at me. When I'm walking past the mirror!" Buttah started singing and dancing naked, as she looked at herself in the mirror. Buttah was singing "Just Fine" by Mary J. Blige.

After drying herself off, she put on her robe and jumped in the bed to watch "Blacklist" it was a series she was really into on Netflix.

Her phone buzzed. It was a message from Hinge dating app. "Oh no bruh, you are trying too hard in your pics. Why can't people just be themselves?" She muttered as she deleted the profile that just commented on her pic.

Buttah has been single since divorcing her ex-husband last year, and is having a hard time finding real love. She is definitely not the serial dater type. She's looking for her person.

After getting a divorce, Buttah felt it was a good idea to get a therapist, since she didn't feel comfortable talking to family and friends. She connected with Janice right away and meets with her weekly. Through her therapy sessions, she realized that she had been lacking on self-love and knowing her self-worth. It has been difficult for her to pull back the layers of her old self. She is currently experiencing one of the most difficult spiritual transformations, and is so confused as to why her life is so chaotic right now. It has been difficult for her to find joy.

She had put so much of herself into her marriage, and lost part of who she thought she was. Family members dying, friends fading away, and she slowly found herself in solitude most of the time. Sasha reaches out every once in awhile, but she got tired of Buttah refusing to go out so she doesn't reach out as much anymore. Most of the time, Buttah has her phone on "Do Not Disturb" and spend time meditating in her closet. She has been through so much; she is a perfect example of "I don't look like what I've been through." Very resilient, positive and magnetic. People love to be around Buttah, but everyone saw her as a mystery beauty. She would never speak of her personal business. Buttah is a program manager for a first- time mothers program, (Family First) and no one at her job knew that she had went through a divorce last year. She is also a seller on Amazon in which helps her to make a good sum of money in her sleep.

"Momma, I'm going over Tavvy house when I get back from the store! Cheeky is there too! Love you! I'll call you when I get there!" Taliah yelled from the outside of the bedroom door.

Tavvy (Tavione) is Buttah's older son; he's 23 years old. He is very intelligent, tall (6'3), stocky built, mature, and has his mom's same caramel complexion. All of her children were blessed with those gorgeous dimples and high cheek bones. Tavvy received an academic scholarship to Harvard, and graduated college last year with a computer engineering degree. He did not like a lot of attention, and tend to be busy working on most days. Cheeky (Cheno) is the middle child, Taliah and Tavvy's brother. He is another track star, both Taliah and Cheeky received track scholarships. Cheeky is 20 years old and is the comedian in the family. He is tall (6'1), slim, toned with a caramel complexion. He is currently the fastest male at Texas A&M University, so he gets a lot of unwanted attention from females. Cheeky and Taliah are siblings and best friends. When Buttah would go out with her children, people would always think that they were all siblings, because of how young she looks.

"Ok, love you too! Be careful!" Buttah said.

It had been a long day so Buttah prepared for a nap. As she drifted off to sleep, she couldn't help but to think of the mystery man, Bless, from the gas station.

It was Sunday morning; the rain finally stopped. Buttah grabbed her pillow pet that she named Bobo. She's had Bobo for over 8 years, and he provided her with the comfort she needed when she felt unloved or lonely. As she held Bobo she started to cry; she just finished meditating for 15 minutes. She tends to cry often, when she's alone, while reflecting on her life and past trauma. Coming from where she started; Buttah has evolved into a beautiful angel, that is full of knowledge and life. She has accepted that she has to release past trauma, by allowing herself to feel her feelings, and identify where the feelings are coming from. Buttah refuses to enter another relationship before she heals. Being vulnerable is her weakness, because there is fear that she will get hurt. She is naturally a giver, caring and nurturing. She was a prey to narcissist, unfortunately. But what she ponders about is where did the trauma come from, and how can she fix it. Thinking about the past has triggered different emotions in her, so she decided to go workout.

"Sasha put your workout clothes on. Let's go workout." Buttah said in an optimistic tone.

Working out was therapy for Buttah, it really helped to clear her head.

"What's wrong Buttah?" Sasha asked with concern in her voice.

Sasha was surprised to hear from Buttah, because she's been in solitude since her divorce.

"Nothing. I just don't want to be alone today." Buttah said, as her voice was shaking and tears rolled down her face.

"I will be there in 20 minutes." Sasha said knowing that she lived 45 minutes away.

"Buttah open the door!" Sasha yelled.

Sasha is 5'1, thick and curvy. She is brown skinned with pretty hazel eyes. Buttah and Sasha have been best friends since 5th grade. They knew each other very well. Sasha knew that Buttah hated to cry or be vulnerable with people.

"It's okay." Sasha said as she embraced Buttah.

"I just want to be loved the way that I love. What's wrong with me? Am I unlovable? Am I not enough? Why can't I find my person?" Buttah sobbed on Sasha's shoulder.

"27 years I gave all my love to a man that didn't know how to love me back. You hear me? 27 years of heartache and pain, feeling like I wasn't good enough. Why? I was loyal and loving, even when he mistreated me. My love was real Sasha." Buttah sobbed and fell to her knees.

Sasha dropped to the floor and cried with her.

"Listen to me! Pick your head up right now! You are beautiful! You are more than enough Buttah! You didn't deserve what you went through, but you grew through it! Look at me! God held you through those 27 years! You survived! You have evolved! You are a better person, and in divine timing your person, your lover will come to you! You hear me?! Now let's get off this floor, my knees are cracking. Whew chile! You got me all in my feelings! Let's go workout." Sasha said as they got off the floor.

"Wait, why do you have on shades and it's cloudy out. What's going on?"Buttah asked with concern.

"The sun peekaboo around the clouds every now and again." Sasha said with a half smirk.

"Okay, now you know that my intuition is on point, and you cannot keep anything from me." Buttah said.

Sasha took off her shades showing the black eye that her husband gave her.

"Oh hell nah, that musty, beer belly son of a whew, no he didn't! Where is he?" Buttah went to get her gun.

Buttah do not play about her friends and family.

"No, stop! He left. I don't know where he went." Sasha said in a low defeated tone. "I'm okay, let's go."

Buttah left to get in the car.

"We need to go to the gun range, so you can learn how to shoot or I'm taking you to a woman's self defense class. Old short arm stubby mutha, whew I don't like him." Buttah muttered.

They both looked at each other and start laughing.

"Short arms?" Sasha started laughing.

"Girl, I saw him at the gym a couple weeks ago doing pull-ups like he was really doing something. When you have short arms you can do pull-ups quick." Buttah said and laughed out loud.

Sasha was laughing so hard she was crying.

"Girl stop, my stomach hurt." Sasha was bent over holding her stomach and laughing.

"Okay, let's get it done. It's Sunday, so it shouldn't be too many people here." Buttah said.

They both got out of Buttah's car and headed to Fitness Connection.