I miss you ~ Plasma (Ninjago)

Mistakes and Regrets

1. I thought of a title, be proud of me

2. The song is just if you want to listen to the kind of shit I listen to when I write this story (I have a playlist but it's not public, should I make it public and share the link?)

3. You're so gonna kill me after reading this

4. If you actually kill me you won't know how it ends so HA got you cornered

Kai's POV

I can't get over it. I just can't. It feels wrong. I know it's true what people say, he would've wanted me happy no matter what, but I can't bring myself to get out of bed every day and live life like I used to.

It's been a month now. In five days, our five-month anniversary would've been.

How great is that.

That I've survived this long is really thanks to Lloyd. He keeps somehow making me feel okay enough to stay alive, but I feel bad about that. If he keeps helping me up, I'm afraid at some point he just can't anymore. He'll drown in my ocean and he doesn't deserve that. I want to be there to help him up when he needs it, but I can't when I can't even keep my own head above the water.

It's just another Tuesday. I'm walking through the city like I do on the days I'm a little more okay and don't spend the whole day in the cabin. I go to Chen's - or really Skylor's - noodle restaurant. It's not really a decision; I'm hungry and it's right there.

I sit down at a table. It's Skylor taking my order. I order a small portion noodles and a cola, unsure what else I'd eat.

"Hey, Kai. Still not doing great?" Skylor asks a little worriedly.

"I'm fine." It's an automatic response still. Stuck in my system, can't get it out.

"Are you sure?"

"I really am doing better than at first." It's not entirely a lie. I'm a little more okay. I think.

"That's good to hear. Your order's coming." She leaves for the kitchen, but comes back pretty soon and sits down opposite me. "We haven't really talked since the memorial, but I heard from Cole you were really depressed. Are you sure you're doing better?"

"I mean, I guess. Kind of. I just need to find something worth it. I don't really have that anymore."

"Oh." We're silent for a moment, then she grabs my hand. "I'm here for you, okay? I know you already have a lot of friends you can talk to, but consider me one of them."

I suddenly realize how close together our faces are. I can feel my face going red and I want to turn away, but then Skylor presses her lips against mine.

One moment, I'm in shock. It caught me by surprise. Then, I let my weak side take over and give in, eyes closed.

We break up the kiss, but I pull her in for another.

It feels so foreign. Nothing like Jay. Kissing Jay for me was like coming home after a long day. This is completely new, totally different.

I finally realize what I'm doing and break it up immediately. I slowly push Skylor away. "This is a mistake. I'm so sorry."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to- I should've realized. We were just so close and my instincts took over..."

"I shouldn't have given in. And I definitely shouldn't have kissed you again. I'm really sorry." I grab some money to pay for the food I didn't get yet and run out. I start crying. What the fuck, Kai?