I miss you ~ Plasma (Ninjago)

Memorial Sevice because I thought of a title

Still Kai's POV lol

The whole service is a blur. Everyone says something, a few words in his honor, but I don't even hear it.

Until it's my turn.

As I'm walking towards the front of the room, I realize I'm about to say things about Jay - and myself - that hardly any of the people here know. And the people actually here are the ones that didn't just know him, they cared for him, loved him, even. The service is being broadcasted on live TV since this is one of the ninja we're talking about, but the people watching at home didn't actually know him.

I become hyperaware of every movement I make, every twitch and flinch.

Oh shit,

here I go.

I've made it to the front of the room, my heart racing faster than lightning.

Lightning.

"Hi." I begin. The crowd stares back at me. "I think it's fair to assume that all of you know me, or at least know who I am. The people that know me personally might find it surprising that Jay and I were actually really close." I look into the direction of my fellow ninja. Only Lloyd knows. "The truth is," I close my eyes for a deep breath. It's now or never. "Jay and I were dating." Whispers rise from almost everyone here. "This is probably a surprise to all of you. That- That's my fault. Jay wanted to tell people, but I wasn't ready. That's all so irrelevant now..." I cough. "But that's not why I'm here. I'm here because I wanted to remind everyone of who he was. The kind of guy that would cheer you up without even trying, because he tripped over his own feet and face planted on the carpet. Or dropped something on his toes, or just fell without cause." I laugh a bit and so do some people in the room. I bet most of us have seen something like this happen to Jay. "That kind of little things I want everyone to remember. The way he freaks out in high-stakes situations. Or- This one time, we were in a really high-stakes situation, and he just didn't freak out at all. I could've sworn he was high." I smile thinking back to the time we were trapped in the realm of Oni and Dragon. "Little things. His smile, his freckles. The dance he would do when he defeated me in Fist to Face. The way he'd fall asleep in the middle of a movie. And if he got started, it was almost impossible to get him to stop talking." My eyes start getting watery and I do nothing to stop it. "But one thing I will never ever ever forget about Jay Walker, is that his favorite movie of all time was Frozen." Faint laughter rises from the crowd. "Now, in his honor, I'm about to do something that's probably highly inappropriate, something my friends aren't gonna let me live down anytime soon, and most importantly, something Jay would've loved so, so, so much because he's always trying to get me to sing..." I take another deep breath, already regretting what I'm about to do. "I'm gonna sing 'Let It Go' for you."

Someone I don't know hands me a microphone. I quickly point out the irony of the fire ninja singing the song of the Ice Queen and then the beginning notes play.

I can do this.

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen

I'm singing it, like, an octave lower than Elsa does in the original, but I ignore it. I ignore everything but the image of Jay singing along to this song when he thought no-one was there. And his face when he saw me standing in the doorframe. How quickly it turned red.

A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the queen

No need to call me out, stupid lyrics.

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried

The crying, the screaming, the shouting. The breaking stuff into pieces and setting it on fire.

Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know

Take care of your sister, she's all you have left.

You must protect Ninjago with your life, it's your duty as a ninja.

You found someone that truly loved you and he died.

Well, now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway

'Come on, Kai, I'm sick of hiding'

'I get that you're not ready, but you know you have to face your fear at some point'

'Not even my best friend knows, Kai. Can you at least let me tell some of the people I love?'

Well, now they all know. No need to hide anymore, babe. Except you're not even here for it.

I don't care that everyone knows. I don't care about anything anymore. I don't care that everyone is watching me perform 'Let It Go' and I don't care that everyone knows I'm not straight. I could die on the spot and not give a piece of fucking shit.

It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all

That's exactly what happens when I isolate myself. It's how it feels when I run away. The problem is, everything always manages to catch up and make me feel even worse than I did before I tried to run.

It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I'm free

Nothing that I need to do. No crushing responsibility. Nothing to live for, nothing to lose.

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry

"You'll never see me cry"

This is how I felt before everything. Others had so many problems, they didn't need mine on top of it. I let everyone throw their shit on me and I carried it. Back when I cared.

When I had reason to lie and say 'I'm fine', 'I'm alright' and 'I'm okay'. When I had reason to pretend to think I'm perfect. When I had reason to make everyone comfortable with me knowing they're not okay, simply because they think I am.

When I had reason for anything.

Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on

Dramatic music fills the room and tears flow down my face.

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back, the past is in the past

Fuck everything. I'm so done.

Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway

Nothing makes sense anymore.

"That's for you, Jay! I know you heard it, you wouldn't have missed this for the world." I laugh through my tears. "And I told you I couldn't sing."

I give the mic back and walk back to my seat in between Cole and Lloyd. They both look a little worried, though also amused because of what I just did. They don't say anything, but Lloyd puts his arm around my shoulder to comfort me. I rest my head on his shoulder in response.

"He would've loved that." He whispers.

"Yeah." I say. "He would've."

Word count - 1264

What in the world.

Okay so for those of you wondering, no, this isn't Greenflame. Not at all. They're close friends, that happens.

Suggestions open

Always correct my mistakes

And love you bye peepzelz-