Scared to be Lonely

Chapter 17

"Camila, stop daydreaming." Meredith waved her hand in front of Camila's face and rolled her eyes.

"Sorry, I just..." She trailed off. "What did you say?"

Meredith rolled her eyes again and pointed to the corner of the shop that looked more like a building sight right now. "I said I want the rooms in that corner and the desks over there."

Camila nodded and typed Meredith's instructions into the notes on her phone. "When will my carpets arrive?" She asked.

Camila's mind spaced. "Your carpets?"

"Yes Camila. The carpets you ordered for me weeks ago, where are they?"

"Oh, yeah." Camila shook her head. "They should arrive any day now."

Meredith started walking to the back of the shop when Camila's phone started ringing. Meredith turned around and raised her eyebrows.

"Can I take it? I'll be really quick." Camila asked.

"You have a minute." Her boss replied before she turned to one of the work men and started yelling at him.

She turned around and started walking to the door so she could talk in private. "Hello?"

"Hi," Shawn's voice filled her ear. "You're not busy are you? I wanted to talk."

"I'm at work but I can talk for a minute." She replied.

"Oh sorry, I thought you'd be on your lunch break." Shawn apologized.

"It's fine." Camila told him. "What do you want to talk about?" She knew exactly what he wanted to talk about.

"Can we meet somewhere later so we can talk properly?" He asked.

"Yeah, what about the park at seven?"

"That's fine. I'll see you there." He replied before hanging up.

Camila sighed and walked back over to Meredith. She still hasn't decided what she was going to do about Shawn. She could do what would be best for everyone but that wasn't what she wanted.

"Was it that hot fiancé of yours?" Meredith asked as Camila approached her again. She could tell Camila was deep in thought.

"No." Camila shook her head.

"Your daughter?"

Camila nodded her head reluctantly. "Her fathers back in town and..." She trailed off before she said something she shouldn't.

"And you still have feelings for him." Meredith finished her sentence for her.

"That obvious?"

Meredith nodded and gave her a sympathetic smile. When she wasn't going all crazy boss bitch she could actually be a nice person, but that wasn't often. "You're young Camila, you've got your life ahead of you. Do what your heart tells you is right."

—–—–

Camila started to shiver as she made her way to the park. She had asked her mom to put Scarlett to bed while she ran an errand, not wanting her to know she was meeting Shawn.

When they had first started going out together she had accepted that Shawn was gone and she wasn't going see him again but all she could think about was Shawn and what he would have done in that's situation. But after a while the pain of him leaving didn't hurt as much, she didn't forget about him though. How could she forget someone who gave her so much to remember?

She came to a stop when she spotted him already sat on a swing, gently swaying with his head resting against the metal chain. He brought his hand up to his lips and took a drag from his cigarette before slowly breathing out the smoke. His eyebrows were furrowed and she could tell he was deep in thought.

She cleared her throat and walked towards him. Shawn looked up when he saw her walking towards him and gave her a smile as she sat down in the swing next to him.

She didn't return the smile and he knew then that things weren't going to go the way he wanted them to go. If he was honest with himself he had known when she walked out of his apartment after they kissed exactly what was going to happen but some small part of him had held on to hope that he would be wrong.

"I'm sorry I ran out of your apartment on Friday. I know it was childish running away from the situation and going back to New York. I should have just faced you." Camila began, talking quickly without any pauses and he could tell she'd rehearsed what she was saying.

She looked up at him watched him as he tossed away his cigarette, giving her his full attention. She knew exactly what he wanted to know so came straight out and said it. "I can't leave Joshua."

Even though it's what he had expected, Shawn still felt like someone had stuck a knife through his heart.

Camila could visible see how much that hurt Shawn and wanted to cry at the fact she was causing him pain yet again, but it had to be done.

"Scarlett hasn't had much stability in her life until now and I don't want to take that away from that." She carried on, unable to meet his eyes, knowing that if he did he would be able to see straight through her.

ad together?" Shawn asked quietly.

"It doesn't work like that Shawn." She murmured, tears filling her eyes. If only it was that simple.

"Why not?" Shawn asked again.

"Because, we don't work together." Her voice was shaking and she could taste her salty tears in her mouth. "Our lives are so different, especially now."

"We can make it work."

Camila shook her head. "I keep replaying the time before you left in my head. We hurt eachother so much and I'm not going to do that again." Tears were pouring down her cheeks now.

"I don't care, Camila." Shawn tried but she shook her head again. "What are you so scared of?"

"I'm scared of getting my heart broken again. I'm scared of breaking your heart and I'm scared of breaking Scarlett's heart." She almost shouted back at him. "I'm not going to put her through what I had to go through with my parents."

Shawn looked away for a few seconds before looking back at her. Why did she have to think about what other people before herself? "You're hurting me by doing this." He whispered.

"At least this way you have the chance to meet someone new, someone who makes you happy." She stared at her feet and tried to wipe away her tears without smudging her makeup.

When she looked up she realized Shawn was now stood right in front of her. "You make me happy, Mila." His warm hand cupped her cold cheek and wiped away her remaining tears. She closed her eyes and felt his warm touch on her skin. Her cheek moulded perfectly into his big hand. She quickly pulled away from him before standing up.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, letting his hand drop from her cheek and started walking away.

Shawn just stood there for a few seconds unable to move or say anything that would change her mind. Then someone else came into his head. "Are you still going to let me see Scarlett?" He called turning around.

Camila wasn't to far away and came slightly nearer. "Of course I am." That was all Shawn needed to hear for now. At least he would be with one of the two people he cared most about in this world.

He walked back over to the swings and sat down, watching as Camila walked away. He didn't blame her for staying with Joshua. He had everything going for him: money, a good job, a big family. Instead he was stuck living in an apartment with a dysfunctional family life.

Camila and Joshua should have been some super-couple. They both had the same interests and passions. The only thing they didn't have was returned love. And Shawn was well aware of that.