Scared to be Lonely

Chapter 1

Is it just our bodies? Are we both losing our minds?
Is the only reason you're holding me tonight
'Cause we're scared to be lonely?
Do we need somebody just to feel like we're alright?
Is the only reason you're holding me tonight
'Cause we're scared to be lonely?

~Dua Lipa "Scared to be Lonely"

•••

Camila watched as Shawn buttoned up his black long sleeved shirt around his toned chest at the end of her bed. She told herself she wasn't going to let this happen again, but it never works.

"Shawn...this has to stop." She sighed, wrapping the grey sheet tight around her body. "We don't need to do this anymore. It's not good for either of us." She whispered.

He turned around and looked at her with a smirk on his face, messy curly hair and all, glancing at the tiny brunette girl with wavy hair flowing down her back, her chest threatening to spill out of the sheet she attempted to cover herself with.

"I didn't hear you complaining earlier, baby." He walked over to to smaller girl and kissed her pink lips that were formed in a pout, but immediately relaxed under his touch.

But once he pulled away, she came back to her unfortunate reality.

"Shawn...you have a girlfriend."

She felt tears form as she said what they always tried to avoid, but refused to let them slip out.

"It's not fair on her." She added.

Or me. She thought.

He sat on the edge of the bed next to her, sighing. "I know. Fuck, I know. But it's way more complicated than that."

He rubbed a hand over his face. "I know that cheating is wrong, I absolutely know that..." He sighed. "But there's just something about you, baby." He whispered, tracing his hand around her delicate features.

The truth is, he hated that he was going behind his girlfriend, Hailey's back. But she'd cheated on him too, many, many times, and they just weren't happy anymore.

Actually, a few weeks prior, she admitted that she has been cheating since they started their relationship.

It was extremely toxic, but they'd been together for months now, and Hailey promised that they would go back to what they once were.

But Shawn knew that it hurt Camila. They had been in love years ago when they were only 17 years old, although they would never admit it or describe it as love even though they had both thought of it in that way.

They didn't tell anyone about it. They were sneaking around, no complications and no expectations.

They started out as close friends. As big as their highschool was, everyone seemed to keep up with everyone's drama.

Their classmates never would have guessed that the troubled Shawn Mendes would be the one to whisk the Camila Cabello off her feet.

He was known as the boy who never stayed in one place, and always found himself in some sort of trouble. She was known as the popular girl who had friends to go on for days. What they didn't know is that Camila too had her days where she hated herself and everyone else.

Shawn came around and gave her a whole new meaning of happiness.

The two only thought of it as friends, which meant that they shared absolutely everything. He helped her with annoying guys that hit on her, and even helped tutor her when she needed it, and after their connection as friends was undeniable, he finally asked her out. After six dates and officially making it official, she lost her virginity to him.

When college came around, they unfortunately had to end things. It broke both of their hearts, although they both held in their feelings, pretending it was nothing. After all, they were just friends, right?

Even though they knew this little fling they had couldn't last forever, that didn't stop them from hooking up every once in a while. They didn't see each other for a year after their break up, but when they ran into each other in the Toronto streets, they were inseparable. It was just a friends with benefits kinda thing, but they could both feel that something else was keeping them together. After all, they knew every dirty detail about each other and there was nothing but trust between them.

And then Hailey came along.

Taking Shawn's heart and breaking Camila's.

He said he needed to get serious, and it was time they move on, but as soon as things got rocky between him and Hailey, he turned to Camila. She was there for him, but when old feelings started to surface, they started getting back into old habits.

"Why are you still dating her?" Camila mumbled into his neck.

"You obviously don't love her if you continue to do this behind her back."

What Camila didn't know is that Shawn didn't even know the answer to this himself.