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"How do you know if you are smiling or just stretching your lips." Laila turned her head to look at the boy beside her. Azlan, that's what his name was. A guy turned outcast. A chain-smoker, alcohalic and completely flawed muslim.
"The most lame question of all you asked till now? " He chuckled looking the other side.
After that night Laila came here every night. The start was loud silence among them until it turned into broken words and hidden stories.
She would sneak out of her house to meet the guy who was too cold for this world but Laila needed to feel something. So why not Azlan.
Her family was away again and she was again alone. Maids could care less about her. So why not Azlan?
"How does alcohol taste like?" She asked again.
"Hmm." A silence except the sound of their breathing. "It tastes like sin"
He had grinned while looking at her with glazed eyes.
"And what does a cigarette tastes like? "
"It tastes like rebellion."
"Should I turn a sinner or just a rebellion?" She whispered staring at the alcohal stain on wall.
She remembered throwing the bottle of alcohal during one of her fights with Azlan.
"Aren't you already a rebellion Little Laila? Associating with a boy like me?"
"Then I would like to be a little more rebellious Azlan." Snatching the cigarette from his hand she took a puff of it.
Coughing at the feel of smoke in her lungs she threw the cigarette back in ashtray.
It didn't fill the void. The abyss of darkness still swirled inside her cracked glass of heart, demons still lingered inside her brain.
Nothing was enough for Laila.
"Make this lonliness go away Azlan."
"And how so? "
"Would you hate me if I do something bad right now?"
"I am too numb to feel anything right now little Laila."
So in that moment she transferred herself to his lap and straddled his jeans claded legs. Lips crashed against lips as she kissed him passionately.
She wanted to feel something and even that kiss failed to do so.
So that night she had laid in her bed with regret lingering in her heart and tears stained cheeks.
What had she turned into?
Even Allah wouldn't forgive her now. The flaws she embraced till now chocked the life out of her. Demons whispered her sins into her ears as they laughed at her misery.
She had gone to Azlan's house for months. He was filthy rich so getting a separate apartment for himself was not a big deal for him. So he lived alone in that house.
Before the kiss that house was her only solace away from this world. Now only a thought about it rose bile in her throat.
She wasn't a perfect muslimah. She did many haram things but kissing someone was just something even out of her morals.
She had crossed the limit that day.
Regret consumed her and it ate her from inside slowly.
So that night she prayed. She cried, prayed and asked Allah for forgiveness. She had asked him for guidance.
Her sins could not be just washed away, yet she cried.
She grieved.
She prayed.
That night she slept with grieving heart, tear stained cheeks and a hatred for her sinner self.
That night Laila didn't harm herself. Instead she went to Allah and asked for help.
Who knew how beautifully it would come into her life, taking her away from her misery like a silent storm.
A storm nonetheless.
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