HER

31

The beauty of Ramadan and the actual feeling of what a family feels like, Laila was able to feel all that for the first time. The love she always saw in Faris' eyes, the care he had for her and the fatherly love she felt from Ansar, all that only made her feel overwhelmed. She felt like she didn't deserve all that love. The attention, the care, the feeling of being enough, it all felt so foreign to her. The trauma etched on her mind never left and the ugly scars of that night only made her afraid of it all. She felt scared at the thought of all of this being nothing but hallucination, a figment of her own imagination.

Worse what if it all just leaves, just like it always have. Like how her once bright smile did, the gleam in her eyes did. It all slipped through her fingers right in front of her eyes. What if it again slips away too, without her knowing it, without letting her having even a chance at happiness. 

Something squeezed in her heart at the thought of that. The fear of losing something she didn't even have any idea about made her feel insane at the thought. 

"Stop." Her head snapped toward her husband who slumped on couch beside her. Strong smell of his manly cologne hit her nostrils as he spread his arms on couch behind her. She looked at him confused as his eyes were fixed somewhere else.

"What?" 

"Stop thinking trash." He freed her wrist from her own harsh grip of her other hand. His thumb caressed the crescent shaped nail marks resting against her now red wrist. 

Laila didn't even had any idea that she was hurting herself until Faris made her notice it. "I am not thinking anything." She murmured looking away from his deep gaze, her hand still caged in his big ones.

"Bullshit." The anger mixed with annoyance was prominent in his tone. "You are only hurting yourself by keeping things to yourself."

Laila was not able to utter a single word. 

"Talk to me Janan." Something folded in her stomach. "I will listen to whatever you say. Just let out whatever is haunting you."

Should she tell him?  That night now haunts her every single time she finds herself alone with her thoughts. The touch of sin still lingers against her flawless skin leaving invisible scars behind again and again. The wounds he tries so hard to heal, open up again in her moments of loneliness. The laughter of that monster pierces her ears in the silence of nights when her husband is sleeping just beside her.

"I am okay." But that's all she could say.

Faris already had done enough for a girl like her. He did more then she ever deserved. The burden of his goodness weighs her heart, crushing it under its heavy burden.

"Liar." A soft whispers lands against Laila's ears as Faris pulled the girl closer to himself. "Good girls don't lie love."

"I am not lying."

The couple went silent again. Hushed whispers of winds dancing around them couldn't reach their ears. So the silence was broken by Laila this time.

"Thank you." 

Faris looked at her confused, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. "What for?"

"For being there for me. For-" Laila looked into his eyes and found herself stuttering. "For everything."

"All husbands do that for their wives."

"No, all don't." The distance between them seemed to be closing until their breaths fell against each other. They would have kissed, almost.

Until the door knocked breaking them apart. Both jumped to opposite corners of couch averting their eyes from each other.

"Come in." It was Faris to speak.

The door opened and a maid entered the room. "Sir, Mam's friends are here."

"I am coming." Laila almost jumped from the couch and walked out of room behind the maid. An amused chuckle was heard just before she closed the door behind her.

Stopping outside the guest room she patted her cheeks. The image of them almost kissing popped in her mind again and again making her want to bang her head against the wall. 

Too bad her guests awaited her inside.

Walking inside the room her eyes fell on the couple talking to each other. The sound of her footsteps thumping against floor brought their attention to her who stood frozen in the doorway.

"Laila." The girl was first one to jump and hug her tightly. The boy followed smiling and waved at Laila. "I missed you so much." 

Laila hugged the girl back wrapping her arms around her petite frame and threw a smile back at the boy. A smile found its way to Laila's face seeing her friends in front of her eyes. 

Faria and Moiz had always loved Laila like a little sister. In their university, they were the only one that Laila could ever trust. She found someone in her life she could be a little comfortable with.

But then that night happened.

And all that came crashing down, breaking and falling into pieces until it was nothing but faded memories clouded with dust. Her friends were there, always there even after that night but she couldn't find herself to look into their eyes.

How could she even look at people who found her in such wretched state. Naked, bleeding and crying, covered in dust on dirty floor. They became part of her ugly past that haunted in her sleep. The ugly truth of her life that clings to her flesh like a tainted skin. 

Faris appeared behind her and Moiz was the first one to notice his presence and greet him making everyone else notice him. 

"Assalam-u-Alaikum!" Moiz greeted him but only got a curt nod in reply. 

Faris didn't hate Moiz and Faria but he also was not very keen on seeing them. The night he first met them wasn't something we wanted to remember much but their faces, it always triggered the awful memory he wanted to keep buried so bad.

One look at Faris' face made Laila understand the Faris was not much of a fan of her friends. The little time Laila spend with Faris made her somehow attached to Faris so much that she almost felt like depending on him for any and everything, that also included his approval a little bit too, as much as Laila hated to admit that. 

So right now she found herself stuck between her friends' hopeful smiles and her husband's stoic face. 

"Have a seat." And that's how her husband found a way to please Laila again, he always does.

Why would a husband who loves his wife to the ends of world would make her wife choose between him and her loved ones?

And then he was smiling easily and laughing comfortingly with Moiz and Faria, just for the sake of his wife. It was all good, all fine and all well-

-until a maid came with a letter in her hands.

It was also all fine when Laila took letter from the maid giving the maid a small smile.

But it was not when she read the words scribbled on letter.

The smiles wiped off the happy faces replacing worry and anger with tension and death looming over their heads.

Violence finally found its way back home.