At First Sight

21. It Has to Be This Way

I hardly got any sleep last night because of everything running though my head. Nate has been one of the biggest parts of my life for the past five years. Our friendship is one of the most important aspects of my life. I literally had a panic attack at the thought of losing him...I just can't. I run my hands through my hair because I am so frustrated with this situation.

Why did we have to kiss?

I had a crush on him, but I thought I buried those feelings a long time ago. I press my fingers to my lips, and I swear I can feel them tingle. Then I have all these disturbing thoughts running around in my head. Did he kiss me only because I can see? Why wouldn't he try to kiss me while I was blind? I need to get out of here I feel like I am going stir crazy. I can feel his presence before he even knocks.

"Come in"

I can feel my whole body alight before he even walks in the room. He hesitates when he peaks in the room. "Cass." Why does he have to be so adorably cute? He walks in slowly, looking around the room like he is trying to avoid my eyes.

"What are you doing here Nate?"

A simple question, but the look in his eyes looks like I just slapped him. He walks over to me slowly and I try to stand up on shaky legs. I'm all of the sudden so nervous around him. The klutz that I am almost fall and I feel Nate's arms wrap around my waist.

"Whoa, I got you Cass."

I feel my legs buckle but he holds me upright. My arms instinctively wrap around his neck, and he pulls me closer to him. He lays his head in the crook of my neck. "I'm so sorry Cass." No matter what, I can't lose him. We just stare into each other's eyes. He feels it too I know it I can see it in his eyes. This is so hard, but it has to be this way. I have to step back from his hold, it's becoming too much.

"I'm sorry too Nate. I overreacted yesterday. Since I got my eyesight back everything has been so confusing."

"I don't regret it Cass." He moves to me again and cups my cheek and I close my eyes for a brief second to control my emotions. When I open them, he is looking at me differently than I have ever known before. His expression is something new to me that I just wish I could trace, but I'm afraid to. I know what I have to do, but why does this hurt so much? It shouldn't be this hard.

"I don't want to lose our friendship Nate. You and Lil are I have." God that sounds so pathetic. "I have already lost so much in my life. I can't lose you to over a few kisses." I see that expression again and kills me not to know what he is thinking. "Are you mad at me?" I hold my breath as I wait for his answer. It feels like a lifetime before he finally shakes his head and gives me a faint smile.

"Never doll."

I release the breath I was holding and hug him tight to me afraid to let him go. There is a knock on the door, and I take a step back from his hold, but he never let's go of my hand. We always get interrupted some way or another. Just a sign telling me that what we are doing is right, even if it feels so wrong. Dr. Novac and Derek walk in, and they both smile at me, which I return. I can never tell them how grateful I am to them. Dr. Novac goes to speak but Derek beats him to it.

"Your tests came out great." I can't help but laugh at the look Dr. Novac gives him. I look at Nate and he has the biggest smile on his face, but when I look so does Derek.

"It looks like you are all cleared to go home today, Cass." I can't help but shriek and jump off the bed and into Dr. Novak's arms hugging him tightly. He chuckles and pats my back. "Just remember everything we discussed yesterday. If there are any warning signs you need to call me right away."

"Or me"

II turn to look at Derek and smile. "Thank you both so much, but no offense I just want to go home." He pats my back one more time and steps back. "Anytime dear. I am just happy it all worked out. Is Nate driving you home?"

"Yes sir"

I look back at Nate, being close to him in the car right now, is it going to be strange, or okay? "You don't have to that Nate." I feel so nervous and anxious right now.

"If Nate has something to do I can. I am actually done for the day unless I get called in." Nate throws his arm over my shoulder, and I feel his eyes staring daggers at Derek. "Thanks, I'm good. I can take Cass home." I swear these two are trying to see who has the bigger dick. Oh my God do not think of that.

I move out of Nate's embrace and hug Dr. Novac one more time and then I hug Derek tightly. "Thank you for saving my life twice." He squeezes me once. "I'm just glad everything worked out Cass." I kiss his cheek and when I turn around Nate gives me a confused look. With that they both leave and the conflicting emotions on Nate's face are overwhelming.

"What's that look for?"

"What the hell was that about?" I can't help but smirk at Nate. "Is somebody jealous?" I can't help but saying that as I bump his shoulder. I move around him to gather my things in my overnight bag.

"What? Of course not!" His voice came out a little higher than normal and spoke faster too. His cheeks turn a slight shade of red. I just hum in response, and he turns towards me. "Stop it!" I laugh as I put my hands up in surrender.

"What? I didn't do anything." He smirks as he steps towards me, and I instinctively step back. "Nate, what are you doing?" I don't like that cocky look as he takes another step towards me. "Me...um, nothing Cass. Why?" He cocks his head to the side with that stupid gorgeous smile. When Nate takes the last step, I feel my knees nit the bed and I fall down on it, and that's when he pounces. "Stop Nate!" He starts tickling my ribs so vigorously and I laugh so hard my stomach hurts. "P-Please Nate."

When I open my eyes, he just stares at me. I swear I think he is going to kiss me, but he stands back up and shakes his head. Not going to lie I really wanted him to kiss me again, but it has to be this way. The only thing we could ever be is just friends.