13. Graduation & Failed Attempts

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Graduation is just right around the corner, but today is the next attempt to see if anything can be done with my eyesight. I honestly do not understand why my aunt and uncle insist on this. I mean it's been almost two years now and I have not got my sight back. I have come to live with it, and I wish they would as well.

"You ready Cass." I feel Nate's thumb rubbing circles over my hand. Lily wanted to come but she had to finish her final exams, otherwise she would be here in a heartbeat.

"As I will ever be." Nate pulls me into a hug, and I cling onto him. It took some convincing, but he finally went back to college after my little episode as they like to call it. I roll my eyes every time they tease me about it. Just wait until they do something stupid so I can lull it over their heads. "You'll be just fine no matter what." I nod my head because I am nervous, I do not want my hopes up. But if there is a chance I can see again, I will take it.

Nate guides me to his car, even though Blue could have helped me. We are meeting my aunt and uncle there because he is coming straight from the office. Once in the car we head to the doctors, Nate grabs my hand again and squeezes it three times. I always wonder why he did it like that. I would think once would be enough to show some comfort. I lean my head against the cool glass and just daydream of what it would be like to see again. I must have dozed off because I feel fingers brush against my cheek, the touch feels so nice and comforting.

"Wake up sleeping beauty, we're here." I open my eyes and am disappointed that all I see is darkness. It was a good dream while it lasted. I miss color so much, that I swear if I get to see again, I will not be wearing black anytime soon. We reach Dr. Porter's office and Nate helps me to my seat. No matter how many times I tell this boy he just will not let me do things for myself.

"It's good to see you again Cassie."

"I would say the same thing Doc, but you know the circumstances." I chuckle and I can feel my uncle shaking his head. I mean come on if I cannot make a joke about this, then who will. I need the tension I am feeling to leave my body. Nate squeezes my hand again and whispers in my ear. "Breathe Cass." I honestly thought I was.

"Well, at least you have a sense of humor dear." I turn my head towards Nate and stick out my tongue. "See someone gets it." He chuckles and I hear my uncle clear his throat. "As I was saying Cassie, Doctor Robertson is a specialist, and he wants to take a look to see if there is something we can do to help you out."

"Hello Cassie. I would like to run some tests and see what we are up against." I nod my head because that stupid frog is lodged in my throat again. "If I see any signs that we can help out I would like to try if you are willing." I nod my head again and then clear my throat. "I would like that." Dr. Robertson talks to my aunt and uncle about the procedure if he thinks I'm a good candidate. Then he takes me for my eye scan, and we wait, my leg is bouncing up and down that is until Nate lays his hand on my knee.

How can he always calm me down just by a simple touch?

"Good news Cassie, I think you are the perfect candidate." Tears of joy spring from my eyes, I cannot believe it this could be really happening. "Nothing is guaranteed dear, but we will do what we can." I can't stop the sobs that escape my mouth, Nate pulls me into him and runs his fingers through my hair. He schedules my surgery for two days after graduation which is a week from today. As we say our goodbyes and walk out of the building Nate lifts me up and spins me around.

"This is great news Cass." I can't help but feel his happiness seep through me and giggle. "We will see kids." I hear the caution in my uncle's voice, and I know he is just trying to look out for me. "I know uncle." Nate finally lets me down. "Sorry, I got carried away Cass." I put my hand up to Nate's face and I feel him lean into my touch. I can feel his worry lines and caress his cheek. "It's okay Nate, we both got carried away." I feel like it was in more ways than one, but I shake that ridiculous thought from my head.

The week went by extremely fast and the next thing I know is we have graduated, and I am so happy to be out of that school. Not all of it was bad, but there were more bad memories than good in the last two years. Tomorrow is my surgery and to say I'm nervous is an understatement. Lily and Nate decided to stay with me, and we decided to camp out in the living room, and they watch movies and commentate the whole thing. Of course, those two started their banter, I swear it's like they need to hook up or something. Why the heck did I just think that? I feel Nate nudge me. "Why so down Cass?" I shrug my shoulders, there is no way I am going to tell him what I was thinking. "We got your back babes." Lil squeezes my hand as Nate pulls me to his side. "Yeah, what Lil says, no matter what happens we will be here for you." I nod my head and say thanks as they play the movie again. I feel my eyes close and feel myself fall into a dreamless sleep.

When I wake up, I feel a hard surface. Did I fall asleep on hard floor? I move my hand some and freeze, this is not the floor. Oh my god I am feeling on Nate's chest! "If you wanted to feel me up all you had to do is ask Cass." I remove my hand quickly like it's on fire. I wonder if Lil will run away with me to a far...faraway place. That way I do not have to die of embarrassment, Nate starts laughing and I try to slap him, but I miss and smack my hand on the table.

"Ow!"

"Shit Cass! Are you okay?" I feel his hand on mine and he starts rubbing it, but I yank it back because I feel those weird tingles again. No, I cannot feel that way again towards him. "I'm fine butt munch."

"Real mature Cass." I can feel him roll his eyes and then I hear Lil yawn. "Are we ready to do this, bitches?" I try to get up, but I stumble back down. I wonder if it is going to be like this if I get my sight back...being a clumsy fool. God, I hope not. We all eventually get ready, and we are headed back to the hospital to get me prepped.

"You got this babe." Lil hugs me tight and kisses my head. I feel Nate's arms engulf me in a hug and kisses the top of my head. "See you on the other side." He squeezes my hand three times and I feel he is hesitant to let go just like me.

Laying on the bed I feel so cold, and hearing the machines make me nervous. "Okay Cassie, count down from ten and we will get this started." Counting down I do not remember anything passed eight. When I come to, I feel the doctor unwrapping my eyes. "Tell me Cassie can you see anything?" I blink and see a speck of light and nod my head as tears fill my eyes, but as soon as I blink again it is back to darkness.

"No!!!" I cry because I saw something for a split second, but it was gone. "Don't stress yourself out Cassie will give it a little bit of time to see what happens." I just nod my head as my friends hug me to them.

I had two more failed attempts after that day, and I swore I would not keep doing this to myself. This is my punishment for my parents dying and being selfish. So, I will just have to deal with it for the rest of my life.



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