preface

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Six years.

Six years this project has been sitting in my Google Docs.


This story only took me roughly one to two of those years in total to write. So, why now, in 2022, am I just beginning to share it?


Vulnerability. This novel was my journal - my outlet.

After dealing with severe depression, chronic anxiety and some other mental health disorders, I discovered writing to be my one true form of coping with reality. It was my escape - an escape that eventually turned into a dream. I wanted the world to see my writing, but I was afraid of the attention it may bring to myself. Family had asked to read it, and I have given multiple excuses as to why they couldn't... It was being edited... I wasn't finished yet... et cetera, et cetera. The truth was, I was afraid of the judgement it would bring. This novel is fiction, but much of it stems from my own personal experiences.

As well as dealing with mental health issues of my own, I also got my Bachelor's degree in Psychology with a concentration in Mental Health. I wanted to understand myself better by getting this degree. I wanted to learn more about mental health issues so I could help myself and others as well. That is also why I wrote this book, to cope and to send a message to anyone who may read it. I wanted them to understand that they are not alone, their feelings are valid, and it's okay to ask for help.

Six years later, at 26 years old, after finishing writing this novel, editing it over, and over, and over x100 again, working on my Masters in Creative Writing, getting married, having a child, growing up a little bit, I think it's finally time to share it with the world.

I wrote this novel as an angsty young-adult as a way to cope with my overwhelming emotions and it gave me purpose. Writing it pretty much saved me.

It's not perfect, it's not my best work; some parts can be cringey and outdated - I can admit that. But, it is something I am, and always will be proud of.

As an adult now with an adult life - I plan on continuing to write as an outlet. I'm not the same person as I was when I wrote this book - but, I hope you enjoy reading. If you find yourself relating to it at all, I hope that this story can bring you some sort of peace, if anything.











*Suicide Prevention Lifeline: dial 988*

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