Wounds That Won't Heal (Peter Maximoff Fanfic)

Chapter 15: Dying On The Inside

(Faith's Pov)

I fluttered my eyes open to the sun shining through my bedroom window. The funny thing about that is even though the sun's out it usually means that things are okay and that even after those dark days comes the light...Yea, what a bunch of bullshit honestly...Just because the sun has risen again after those cloudy, gloomy, miserable days doesn't mean anything...

Well, doesn't mean anything to me that is because how can the sun just rise again after everything that happened yesterday? How can everything be okay after what happened? How am I supposed to be okay? You think just because the sun is out and shining so brightly that I'm just supposed to feel and be okay?

Yesterday was supposed to be my day...yesterday was supposed to be my day to be with my grandparents and what did I get for it? I got bullied once again by the VERY people who've been bullying me since day one and what did they do this time? They tore the ONLY things I had left of my grandparents...They tore the ONE thing that meant and mattered most to me...

They can beat me, call me names and tear my forest to pieces but nothing...absolutely NOTHING hurts and shattered me more to pieces then was those boys tearing up my letters...and for what? For sticking up for myself? For actually doing something out of character and brave of me before? The fact that I managed to actually speak my voice and get my revenge on those who've hurt me when no one else would do it for me?

You're telling me that because I actually did something for myself for once, did something great for myself and yet, I still get punished for it? I suffered the consequences for trying to stick up for myself by those guys coming back stronger and ripping apart my very heart soul? Why me? Why god? Why? Is this who I am? Is this who I'm meant and supposed to be?

Where's my happiness huh? Why don't I deserve to be happy? Was I meant to be unlovable? Was I always born this way? Was I just not destined to be happy and loved in this lifetime? What about the next? If I left this godawful world would I be loved then? But then again...who would really love me? I mean my parents didn't...those who did have died, Peter is loved by so many woman and Charles and Hank are my professors which means they're only being nice because they have to...because I am still their student...

So, would it really matter if I left this world and gone onto the next? But who's to say I'll be happy in the next one? Maybe I'm forever destined to have these wounds on my heart, maybe I'm forever destined to have wounds that won't heal...Maybe...just maybe, I'm forever destined to be alone...Is that calling? Is it my fate? I tried...I really did...and yet...here I am...Sad and alone once more...just like I've always been...

I didn't realize I was holding in my breath until I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I blinked back to reality by my eyes burning from either the dissociation or from staring at the sun that shined through my bedroom window. I panted breathlessly getting the air back into my lungs. I rubbed my dry eyes and sighed as I looked at the time to see it was a little after 10am.

I frowned and rolled my eyes wishing I had died in my sleep...at least hopefully by then I could see my grandparents again...I'm trying so hard to live for them but it's so hard when every day after the other it just continues to get worse and worse...I don't know how much fight I have left in me...I don't know how much longer I can take...I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of trying...

What's the point of climbing out of that hole I have fought my hardest to get out of if someone and or life does everything they can to kick me back down it again...I feel like I'm trying to climb out of a hole that's made from quicksand, I climb and slide with each pull I make and while I look up and see the light, it feels like it's a million miles away out of my reach. I climb faster and push harder and yet it doesn't seem like that light gets any closer and when I feel like it does, reality sets in...rocks are being thrown at me, I've got sand in my eyes, I'm tired and once again...I fall and I'm back to where I started...