Existence - Maddy Perez

Dead?

"Nate's dead." I looked away from our son. "Nate Jacob?" She nodded her head aimlessly as I fought the urge to cheer.

I watched as she stared down at the tabletop all while chewing on her bottom lip, "is that a good thing orrr?" Her look didn't waver, she didn't move, and I couldn't read her.

"I...I don't know."

I shook my head. "ok- I don't agree with your feelings."

I knew that would get her, I was almost afraid at the way her head moved to look at me, there. that's what I wanted- I wanted her to look at me, so I could read her.

"You can't tell me how to feel y/n-" I zoned her out, do you know In movies, when they say they can't pinpoint the other's feelings or when they look into their eyes it's like a mystery?

That's the complete opposite for me, I could tell automatically what she was feeling when her eyes met mine.

Pain, she was in pain, i-i don't understand, he's dead just like my mom, just like my dad, he's dead and he deserved to die. he killed my mother. So why is she not happy?

"Y/n are-"

"I don't understand" she tilted her head, and I let out a breath before speaking again.

"I don't understand why you're hurt." She looked at me once again, and just like I did before, I read her eyes as if only her eyes are honest when she was hurt.

when she looked at me I could see her eyes fill with disgust, almost as if she just realized something terrible about me.

She shook her head with a scoff and stood up, she glanced at our child and tears flooded her eyes but I didn't make a move to stop them or comfort her.

"I'm not hurt y/n, I'm in shock." lie. "he was a big part of my life." lie. "my first love." lie.

I shook my head. "You said- you told me when you met me you figured out what love is, and now he's that for you?"

"I never-...y/n I'm grieving I can't contr-"

"you can't control the lies."

"When have I ever lied to you."
"3 times today." her look of absolute horror is something I will always remember.

"I didn't lie about him y/n!"

I assumed she was talking about Nate because that's who I was talking about "But you did."

"No I didn't y/n he's my- our kid I would nev-" my eyebrow arched in confusion "I wasn't talking about- what are you keeping from me"

I made sure not to be aggressive, I didn't want her to feel forced to answer me.

Even if it was frustrating, "Baby I'm not keeping nothing from you."

I held my breath "do you not trust me." there it was, the trap. If I said no she would force me to feel like I'm in the wrong if I say yes then she'll ask why I'm worrying so I said- "no, I don't trust you Maddy." she glared at me, I know what she expected. "I don't trust you because you have everything you need to break my heart." I'm so fucking confused right now, I trust Maddy with my whole heart.

So why-I shook my head before Standing up with my kid and walking out the house without taking another glance at her.

the night I walked out was the night that changed everything, maybe if I didn't she would've told me sooner, maybe she would've stopped lying and told me the truth about our- Him. And maybe I could have stopped the start of her ruining our relationship.

But I didn't and that's why she's dead.

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