Fix me

Chapter 52

Cheryl nods, then burst into fresh sobs. Trying to block out her cries of "I didn't mean to" and "I'm sorry" and "I never meant it to happen", I hold her in my arms. She clutches onto me desperately, never letting go as I help her to her feet, drape my coat over her shoulders and lead her out to the car.

**

We're waiting in a private room to be seen, in silence. I'm holding Cheryl's hand, but I'm not looking at her; my head is elsewhere.

When Kate ran off after talking to me at the party, she must have gone to the flat.

My immediate thought when I walked in was, she's cheating. She's actually cheating. Then seeing what a mess she was in... but then what she was saying didn't add up. She kept saying she didn't mean to. Mean to what?

'Kimba?'

I hear Cheryl but I don't look at her.

'Kimberley... I'm sorry...'

'Why are you sorry?' I whisper. 'I don't understand, Cheryl.'

'I-I know... I need to explain.'

I turn to meet her eyes. I don't think she has stopped crying yet.

'There's more to what happened tonight, isn't there?'

'Yes... Kimba, when the police come I want you to go.'

'What?!'

'I-I want you to go... cos I'm gonna have to explain what happened to them, and I can't let you hear it for the first time like that.'

I let go of her hand and lean back, folding my arms. 'So tell me now.'

Just then a doctor knocks and walks in. I can feel Cheryl's eyes on me the whole time he examines her.

'There's not really very much I can do for you here Cheryl... you'll just need to keep those marks clean, that's a nasty cut on your lip but it doesn't need stitching, just be careful when you eat, small bites and things. I can prescribe sleeping pills if you--'

'No thank you... I'll be alright.'

'Oki dokey, well you might as well wait here for the police now, they're on the way. After that you're free to go home whenever you feel ready to.'

'Thank you.'

He exits, leaving us in silence again.

'Have you been having nightmares about her?' I ask suddenly. Cheryl has had more than one bad dream since I've been back, but always said she couldn't remember them.

'Yes.'

'This isn't the first time she's tried this?'

'N-no.'

I close my eyes briefly. I think wildly about making an excuse to leave, but then Cheryl starts to speak.

'It was about two weeks after you went to California... I performed at this charity event, and she was there... we got talking... she asked if I was coping and I said yes, but she called us on it, she said she could tell I was lying. I got quite drunk, I ended up outside just having a cry... she found us and took us home in her car.'

'So you slept with her?'

Cheryl shuffles forward on the bed and roughly turns my face to hers. 'Never.'

I shrug her off. 'So, what then?'

'Nothing happened that night... I dunno how she got me number she said I gave it her but I don't remember doing it... she text us the next day asking how I was, she was being really sweet, she seemed like she genuinely cared, you know... over the next couple of weeks we just started meeting up for coffee and the odd lunch. I swear I never thought anything of it, I never thought she had some hidden agenda, I just thought she was being friendly, I... anyway. We went out to a cocktail bar one night...'

Cheryl speaks in a rush then, like she thinks hearing it quickly will be less painful for me.

'At the end of the night when everyone was leaving we popped to the loos, and we kissed.'

That was what I had been waiting to hear, what I knew, eventually, she was going to say. I feel my blood run cold and my heart collapse in that second.

'Kimberley please listen to us.'

'I am.'

'I didn't initiate it. Please believe us, I need you to believe that. I didn't initiate it... but I also didn't stop it... not at first anyway.'

Cheryl waits, waits for me to say something.

When it becomes clear I'm not going to speak, she carries on.

'I stopped her; I told her I never meant to do that... I told her I just missed you and it shouldn't've happened. She got really angry. Seriously angry, started shouting about me leading her on for weeks, I never did that I never thought us spending time together was like that for her, I just saw her as a friend, I swear...

'I didn't see her for a while after that, then out of the blue she came round to the flat, she just burst in. I don't know how she got in but she just started banging on the door... I was expecting Sarah so I thought it'd be her, but Kate just barged through...'

Cheryl's voice falters and I glance up, see her clenching her fists.

'What did she do?'

'At first she said she wanted to apologise... then I dunno what happened she just... jumped, she grabbed me hair... s-she had us against the wall, I thought she - but the buzzer went, Sarah turned up. She scarpered.'

'Sarah knows?'

'No.' Cheryl shake her head. 'I made out like we'd just been chatting. Sarah doesn't have a clue about any of it.'

I just nod, letting her know she can carry on.

'The next time I saw her was tonight... she's been phoning us up and texting us quite a lot... but I've just ignored everything, I thought if I showed up with you tonight at this thing she'd get the message that I never intended anything to happen with her... I dunno what impression she got when she realised I wasn't with you but... I was fallin' asleep on the couch when she stormed in, I didn't have chance to do anything-s-she was on top of us before I c-could--'

Cheryl's voice breaks and she stops, covering her face with her hands, her body shaking.

There is a long silence, the longest yet. I hate the sound of her crying, it's tearing me apart. But I can't hold her. Something inside me just won't let me.

'I'm so sorry Kimberley.' She sniffs. 'T-this n-never would've happened if I'd never kissed her, it's my entire fault...'

'No it's not.' I whisper.

Cheryl looks up hopefully.

'You have to tell the police everything you've just told me. Okay?'

Cheryl nods.

'Cheryl I need to think... I just need to get my head straight... I need to - go, just for a minute.'

'You hate us don't you.' Cheryl sobs. My heart gives another agonising twist.

There's a knock and two police officers slowly enter the room, one male and one female.

'I promise I'll come back Cheryl.' I tell her, and, giving the officers a polite smile, I leave the room.