Fix me

Chapter 15

Cheryl leans closer to the screen, her eyes raking the words, and filling with tears. I wonder if the same phrases that jumped out at me, and are still running through my head, are jumping out at her too, phrases like "used any drug he could get his hands on from being a teenager" and "older sister Cheryl tried to save him but it wasn't enough".

Eventually she straightens up and turns to me. 'How did you find this, why are you even looking at this?!'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'What are you doing Googling us anyway, why are you looking up me personal life on the internet?'

'Why didn't you tell me, Cheryl?!'

Her expression changes and she takes a step towards me. I move back. 'It's not how you think. It's not how they say it was.'

'Save it Cheryl.' I whisper. I'm trying to stay calm but I'm seconds away from erupting. 'Just save it.'

I turn around and run upstairs. By the time Cheryl follows me I'm half dressed. I grab a plain white shirt and pull it on, then dive under the bed for my bag. It's got everything I need in it.

'Kimba. Stop!' Cheryl says loudly as I run past her, going back downstairs. I haven't got a clue where I'm going to go but I have no intention of staying here. Cheryl grabs my arm and I spin around, pushing her off me hard. 'Get off.'

'What are you doing, where are you going?!'

'Like you give a sh*t.'

'Of course I do, I don't understand, Kim...'

'What the hell was I to you?!' I scream, my temper finally getting the better of me. 'Seriously Cheryl, what the f*ck was I to you?! Some sort of little project to stop you feeling guilty about your dead junkie brother?'

Cheryl bursts into tears. 'No...' she wails. She grabs her hair desperately. 'Please, listen to me! You don't understand, you don't know, you think those papers really know everything?!'

'Are they lying then?' I shout. Cheryl just stands there, breathing heavily, crying. She doesn't say anything.

'Well? Are they lying? Was your brother a junkie, or are they making it up?!'

She still doesn't answer. I shake my head slowly. 'You make me sick.' I say vehemently. 'You saw me and I bet you thought, "here's my chance, I'll redeem myself, clean up this kid and I'll clear my conscience", am I right? Help a poor unfortunate soul now and maybe I'll forgive myself for never doing enough to save my brother, am I right?!'

'NO!' Cheryl screams, following me as I storm to the front door. She grabs my arm again and pulls me back as I swing the door open.

I do it without really thinking. There's a small chair in the corner by the door. Turning around I grab Cheryl's arms and practically throw her into it. And I raise my fist.

'DON'T!' she screams. She turns her face away, closing her eyes, and raises her arms. When the blow doesn't come she opens her eyes slowly. I'm frozen with one fist raised and the other arm still holding her shoulder. I start to lower my arm, unclenching my fist. 'If you follow me,' I whisper in her face, hoping I scare her, 'if you follow me I'll kill you.'

I let go and run, hitching my bag up on my shoulder. I hear Cheryl screaming my name, but I keep running. I run to the right, towards the roads and the way into the main town, then when I'm out of sight of the house, already out of breath, I double back and head for the beach, making sure I stay out of sight of Cheryl's house.

I don't stop running until I get to the small cliff under the back of where Cheryl lives. The tide is out, so I sit there, catching my breath. I don't think she'll look for me here, she saw me run the other way. I don't think she'll look for me at all. I almost hit her.