Fix me

Chapter 33

I don't move for probably about two hours. It's Cheryl who eventually comes into the kitchen, spots me sat on the floor.

'What're you still doing in here?'

'I don't know.' I say truthfully.

She kneels in front of me, slowly, nervously. 'Does your - how's your hand?'

'It's fine...' I glance up and meet her eyes. It's immediately obvious she's been crying.

'I've upset you.'

'I'm not upset, Kimberley.'

'What then?'

'I'm... to tell you the truth, I'm scared.'

'That's worse.' I moan, lowering my head as I start to cry. 'I didn't mean to, Cheryl...'

'Look at me.' Cheryl whispers. When I don't move she grabs my jaw and lifts my head up. 'This has to stop.'

'I know, it will, I didn't mean to, it won't happen again. I promise.'

'Don't make promises you can't keep, Kim.'

'I'm not, I swear. I'm sorry.'

'This is all a bit too familiar.' Cheryl says, her voice shaking. 'This is h-how it started and... I-I can't do it again, Kimberley. I love you so much, b-but... I c-can't...'

I sit up on my knees and throw my arms around Cheryl as she dissolves into tears. 'I know... I know, babe, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.'

I hold her face in my hands. 'Please don't be scared of me. I promised you I'd never hurt you. I swear on my Dad's grave I'll never hurt you.'

'Kimberley don't say that--'

'I mean it, Cheryl, I promise.'

She nods. 'Stand up babe, I can't feel me legs.' She mutters.

'Let's go and sit down... I've got something to tell you.'

'Me too.' Cheryl sniffs.

'You first then.' I say, lying across the sofa and pulling her to lie on top of me. I just want to hold her, show her I'm sorry in any way I can.

'I phoned me mam.' Cheryl says quietly. 'I told her about us.'

When I don't answer, Cheryl raises her head from my chest. 'Kimba...?'

'Wh-what did she say?'

'She was shocked, but she isn't in the slightest bit bothered, don't worry.'

'Bet she thinks I'm a right coward.'

'Of course not, she understands the situation... she's gonna tell Gary too.'

'Oh God...'

'I think he might come down to London soon... I told me mam about the papers and what might happen, she said she'll get him to ring us... he'll probably want to be here as protection or something, he's silly like that.'

'That's fine... so, what's gonna happen?'

'Well, Lily's telling me record label about us. Whether or not they'll drop me or not remains to be seen--'

'What?! They'd do that?!'

'They might.'

'No way. Phone her now, tell her not to tell them. Then speak to this paper and deny everything. I can't let you do this, Cheryl--'

'It's too late, Kimberley, she went straight to them when she left here.' Cheryl says gently. She turns so she is lying on her front across me, and starts playing with the ends of my hair. 'I don't think it'll happen though, and even if it does it's not the end of the world. At the risk of sounding like a tw*t, there are plenty of other labels out there who'd want to manage Cheryl Cole.'