Sephora. (Ongoing)

A Wife's Tale

Living a life where at the end of the you are the one who always gets left behind is usually so depressing that you pine over a person whenever they show you even a little slivel of attention.

At first you don't see what is going on around you, you don't notice how you keep repeating the same circle of hurt, pain, rejection, withdrawal and sometimes deep depression.

At some point you even go as far as holding on to the hands of people you know won't catch you if you fell on their watch.

Over and over again you repeat the same thing till you realize what's going on except you are too late, you are in so deep your heart is already shattered enough to be hanging on a thread and yet, you know you should be healing, seeking help, talking to someone who knows better or even praying about it all, you know all of this yet you couldn't do either of it.

Then you begin to think through every relationship, every friendship, every companionship, the transition from when you had a simple mind as a child to how you grew up to far too much pain to hold on, you think about the people who told you that they loved you and would never leave you, the people who vowed to always stand by you, the people who swore that they would never hurt you like the rest, then you realize that at the end, They all lied.

Time and again you were the one who was always left behind while they moved on to find happiness with other people.

At that point of reality you sit back and cry yourself to sleep, think yourself into dark times and moments, read their last sent messages because you are picking at crumbs and dust, anything to remind you that you were once all they thought about, anything to remind you that you were once the center of their universe, so much holding on to a dream that will never be made into a reality in hopes that it would cocoon you in a warmth you so desperately desire.

Then you sleep at night with nightmares of the real state of your heart, you sit there, staring at the moon so high in the sky and you wonder why you just can't be that kind of life to someone as needy as yourself but yet again when you face the harsh reality of life the next day you find yourself laughing loud enough and smiling bright enough to make someone else feel better but when you shut your door at night and lay in your bed alone, touching and feeling the rest of your empty bed, you realize once again that it was always going to be you who gets left behind.

***************
I'm sorry I haven't made as much time to actually update this book.

It's not because I don't want to but it's mostly because I feel as shitty as this rendition and I guess it's the reason it's the only thing I could come up with.

Y'all pray for me, it's not a good feeling to be descending into unconscious depression, fighting every day to overcome it without the notice of people closest to you.

No worries though, I always prayed through it, had a proper conversation with Jesus because only he can hear me without judgment.

I love you guys