What's eating you?

Chapter 24

This is where you start over

My reflection spoke in a soft careful voice. different emotions flooded my chest, I wanted to be happy, yet something inside me held onto the fear of this reflection of me. For so long, I feared my body. 

Things don't change over night, it takes time.

My reflection placed a hand to the mirror. She gave a half grin, as I raised my own hand to meet her. A warmth flowed inside me. I wasn't afraid, and I wasn't angry, I wasn't hopeless. For the first time, since my brother's suicide, I felt at peace with myself, and the world around me.

"Jacky, you have a phone call." My dad poked his head in the door.

I could feel the wind just fly from my father chest as he stared at me. Here I was sitting by two large mirror, which where now covered in painted words, and I was sitting at the base of one covered in paint, with my hand pressed against it, with tears falling from my dirty face. 

"Uh, Tate I'll have her call you back-" I quickly cleaned my face off with the back of my sleeve and rose to my feet.

"I'll talk to him." My air cast made a slight thumping noise as I quickly crossed the room.

I rubbed my paint covered hands on my jeans, and drew in a deep breath, as my father handed me the small gray phone.

"Hel-" I  cleared my throat and spoke with a more confident tone. " Hello?"

"Jacky? It's Tate." My heart began to flutter inside my chest.

"Hi Tate." I pulled the small seat from out underneath my desk and sat down, and propped my feet on my desk.

"Just hang up the phone when you're done." My father gently pulled the door shut.

"How are?" Tate sounded unsure of his question. I was quite for a moment. How was I? Scared? Sick? Angry? " You don't have to answer that." I drew in a deep breath and smiled.

" I'm okay Tate, I really am." My voice had taken on a new tone. " I've been painting a lot, mostly people, and backgrounds. I sure do miss you and Jaz. It's not the same with out her bothering me every second, and just having you around."

"I miss you too Jacky, I really do. I dreamt of you last night, I was afraid something bad had happen to you, but from you're tone, the complete opposite has happen." He gave a soft chuckle.

I ran the back of my hand across my forehead and propped my cast on the desk. " Tate, you should know better, if anything was to happen. You would be the first person I would call." 

A heavy silence hung in between us for the longest time. " I talk to Jaz yesterday." My heart froze inside my chest. I hadn't talk to Jaz since before I moved into the new house, when I begged her to get any type of help.

"Yeah, what did she say?" I dropped my feet from the desk, and slowly sat up, my head started to spin.

"She said, if I was to talk to you anytime soon, to tell you that she is getting better. She had her mom  admit her to the hospital and she is steadily gaining weight now. She told me, once she leaves the hospital, she going to admit her self into a center, and join a therapy group." Every nerve in my body felt alive. I was afraid that I had lost my best friend, but the bond between us only grew stronger.

"Jacky, I think you should look into a group therapy, being around people who also suffer from this, will give you a sense that you are not alone, and there is help out there." Tate quickly cut him self short, realizing he might have stepped over a boundary.

I ponder the idea for a moment and drew in a deep steady breath. " I'll talk to my mom about it." He gave a soft sigh and I could feel the warmth of his smile through the phone.

"Well I'll let you go, because I know you're pretty busy now a days with all your painting and stuff. Besides, I haven't cleaned my room since you left, and well it's a mess and my mother is going to kill me when she comes home." I couldn't hold back the squeaky laugh that explode from my lips. I could see Tate's mom in her pink apron, and her curls falling around her shoulders, and she placed her hands on her hips as she yelled at Tate in her baby soft voice.

"Okay, have fun." I coughed.

"I love you."My breath caught in my throat. Butterflies jumped wildly inside my stomach as I mustered up the courage to say the words I had never said before to Tate.

"I love you too." My hear flutter inside my chest, as I listened to Tate's steady breathing.

"Bye Jacky." I heard the  familiar click of the phone, and was left with silence.

Everything seemed frozen around me, when I threw my hands up and let out a high pitch squeal. Happiness flooded into my chest as I quickly stood to my feet and grabbed my pencil off the desk, and began to scribble.