The Power of Four

Chapter 4 - Ash

Even though I was literally riding Elm, my only friend, I felt more alone than ever. But I also felt more alive than I had felt since I had caught my first deer. It was a mixed feeling, alone but alive. But as the forest rushed past me, the last day and a half caught up to me. I whispered to Elm for him to slow to a walk and realized, truly realized what had happened. I set my home on fire. I was the one who destroyed the only place I've ever known. The life I made for myself, it's gone. It's all gone, just like Mother. They're all gone. I can never go back. The only way to move forward is to have no regrets.

No regrets. Make the world around you a place you want to live in forever.

Make it your world. Your life. You make it the way you want it to be. Make this life happy. Make it full of passion. Make it yours.

My mantra, I just destroyed it. I made a world, a life, that I was happy with. Even without Mother. Even without Father. Even without other beings. I was happy. And now it's gone.

It's all gone.

I felt a tear edge its way to my eyelid, threatening to fall. I slammed down on my sorrow, my regret, my blame, my loss. I couldn't let it show. Couldn't let anyone know what was happening inside my head. I couldn't let myself accept the fact that I was breaking down. Harder than ever before, I pushed away all guilt and regret into the far corners of my mind. This was something I had to ignore. I couldn't let myself realize nor accept the fact that I was falling apart. I put on a determined expression and whispered to Elm, "it's going to be okay. We'll find somewhere else to stay, we'll make a new life for ourselves." I was saying it to myself much more than to him. I sat up again and sighed.

Uncontrollable rage is better than sorrow, right? I thought. It's better to be mad than to show any fear or weakness... though Mother would have said... What would she have said? I don't think she thought this would ever happen, to either of us.

A moment passed.

I have to be strong, and control myself. For me. For Mother.

Later on in the day, I asked Elm to pause, and he did. There was a prickling feeling edging its way down my neck. Someone was watching me. I leaped off Elm and whirled around, my eyes fixed on a particularly suspicious bush with pointy leaves.

"Who are you stranger, and what do you want? Come out now or you'll regret it," I growled, feeling all the anger rushing through my blood like the hunt had just a day ago. Finally, an excuse to channel my anger, I thought, and put it all to use.