Where You Belong

130

"No," she said, her hand against his chest as he tried to hug her. "If I let you hold me, I'll feel all warm and gooey and allow you to convince me everything's going to just be okay and-"

He pushed past her hand and wrapped his arms around her. She was tens in his arms, but didn't push him away again. "I'm insisting on a hug, but I'll make it short."

She exhaled a laughing breath at his tone and hugged him back.

Arms still around her, he pulled back far enough to meet her eyes. "Now, let's get one thing straight. Everything is going to be okay. I get it. I come from a world where having kids - and lots of kids at that - is normal and expected and not something to be concerned about. You come from a world where..." He trailed off as he fought for words to describe what he knew she felt. "Well, you know what can happen when parenting goes bad."

"I just want to make sure we do this right."

"Because it's the most important thing we'll ever do," he echoed her earlier words. "Start a family. Be parents."

"Yes."

"I believe that, too. It's the most important thing. Having kids, having a family."

"I want it, Derek," she told him. "I want it so much. I just need to make sure we do it right."

"We will," he promised. "We love each other. We're in a stable and loving marriage. And we will love any and all children we're lucky enough to have. That's the most important thing. No matter how many kids we have, or how planned they are or are not, or when we have them, we will love them so much."

Meredith's eyes welled with tears, making his heart clench almost painfully in his chest. He wanted desperately to crush her to his chest, but he needed to meet her eyes for this.

"Our kids will never doubt that they are loved and wanted, Mer. Never. I promise."

This time it was her who pulled him back into a tight hug. "That's all I want," she whispered into his shoulder. "I want that so much."

"We're going to be good parents. Whether that's soon or a few years down the road, we're going to be good parents. And our kids will be loved and wanted." He'd say it as many times as she needed to hear it. His wife was incredibly strong. Her strength had allowed her to overcome her childhood, but her early experiences and memories had made their mark. Regardless of how much freer she was now, she would never be able to do something as significant as start a family without thinking of everything that could go wrong and take steps to prevent them. "They'll never doubt it, Mer. Never. I promise."

She took a deep breath, her ribcage expanding in his arms. "You're right," she whispered fiercely.

He pulled back far enough to meet her eyes again. "Okay, now that we've established that I was right, when do you want to start trying?"

She laughed and swatted at his chest. "I'm so glad being right is what you took from that conversation..."

He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "I try." He smiled warmly at her, happy simply for having been able to make her laugh.

She laughed again. "So...we still need to talk about...things."

"Yes." He agreed easily.

"And you don't think there's any...order?"

"No. I think we just discuss what we want and see where that takes us."

"And we both have to be open about what we want and think."

"Agreed."

She took a breath. "Okay, so...?"

He pecked her lips. "How soon do you think we should start trying?"