Where You Belong

82

Staring out the car window at the beautiful scenery unfolding around her, Meredith couldn't help but feel tears stinging the backs of her eyes. It was early afternoon in Hawaii and the weather was perfect, as was the scenery.

The gorgeous beaches.

The magnificent coast lines.

The clear, blue water.

The artistic buildings.

It was Derek who was supposed to be beside her in the cab on the way to the hotel; not Cristina.

She had managed to get some sleep on the plane; enough to feel like she wasn't about to fall down, but not enough for her to be able to make sense of anything that had happened in the last day...two days...three days.

Meredith shook her head. With the staying up with Cristina overnight and the flight and the time change...she had no idea what day or time it was anyway. The airport had said it was Sunday, while it felt like a week had gone by.

"Smile!"

Meredith turned her head, only to be momentarily blinded by the flash. "Not cool, Iz," she mumbled, her hand now covering her eyes. Izzy was sitting in the front seat beside the driver, and had just surprised both Meredith and Cristina with her camera. The blond had long since given up trying to talk to Cristina or shake her out of her near muteness, and had instead become the beacon for bright and bubbly-ness. It was the only way she knew to offer comfort after all else had failed.

Cristina had been silent most of the trip so far. She hadn't said much since she had broken down an hour after her non-wedding. She had chosen the seat on the plane across the aisle from Izzy and Meredith, had pulled a sleeping mask onto her face, and had only pulled it off when the food had been served.

She barely reacted now to Izzy's photo; rolling her eyes and turning back to the window on her side of the car.

Meredith wondered if her best friend was feeling the same way she was. Cristina hadn't expected to share this trip with two other women anymore than Meredith had expected to share her two weeks off with anyone other than Derek.

Izzy exchanged a worried look with Meredith, before turning around in her seat.

Meredith sighed and leaned her forehead against the cool glass. Despite the pain, fear and massive amounts of uncertainty about absolutely everything that had overwhelmed her and pushed her to accept Cristina's plea to accompany her on this trip, Meredith's heart ached.

She had already been second guessing her choice when Derek had shown up at the airport.

She had heard him call her name, but hadn't been able to believe it until she heard it again. And when she had slowly turned around, it really was him.

At first she had thought he would beg her to stay; would force her to choose.

And she had almost wanted him to.

But he had surprised her. He really did understand her.

Too much had happened. Too much had gone wrong. After living the first twenty eight years of her life waiting for the ground to be swept out from under her, a single year of feeling loved and protected hadn't been enough to keep her afloat. As much as she loved Derek – and she really, really did – she couldn't be normal and engaged and fly across the country to meet his family. She couldn't go away with him and have everyone they met think they were normal and engaged. She couldn't do any of this until she could believe it herself.

Derek lifted his bag into the trunk of his rental car and slammed the trunk shut, before flashing an apologetic glance at the car rental employee who had witnessed his frustration. He had managed to get himself on a flight to New York a day early, and had managed to get his rental at the earlier time as well; a detail he had forgotten before he had boarded the plane. Alone.