Natyam | A Mahabharata Fiction

25.

The loneliness in the first year of separation hit me like a landslide.

True, I was in Dwarka with all the company that had pleased for most of my life. Yet, I was unsettled, bored and disinterested. Nothing gave me pleasure.

Not the sharpest of wit, not the most charming smile, not even dancing.

I walked instead of dancing. Dance, dance and dancing was replaced by walk, walk and walking. Corridors I would traverse by twirling and sailing became corridors that were passed through in long, measured strides. Fascinating conversations were overwhelmed by plain ones. Laughter was extinguished by silence.

Those were a few tough months for us. Tough indeed.

As for myself, there was only the boredom and the little, gnawing, festering anger. I felt like a sword that was beginning to gather rust. A weapon that was useless now because it was gathering dust but still with potential. The potential to wield.

Dau let me be. As did Subhadra. As did my nephews. Even the wives of Dau and Kanha did not interfere with my state. Rukmini would sit on the swing with me and we would converse. Satyabhama would stroll with me while talking, I would only listen.

Only Kanha, the ever-interfering, poked me.

"Dance, Mrinali." He'd urge.
"I do not feel like it." I'd respond.

And so it went on. He would try fifty different tactics in one stretch and I would dodge them all.

"People usually listen to me, you know." Kanha huffed.

"All the time! One person can be exempted from listening to you and bending in front of your tactics. They shan't work on me."

"Oh, but they will! Sooner or later." Mirth danced in his eyes and a kind smile graced his face.

I managed only a small smile. "I think your ego can manage one person who does not listen to you."

"So it can, my dear friend, so it can."

*****

"Rajkumari?" A different voice called.

I had to break my concentrated stare directed towards the flowers and turn to look at the speaker.

There stood a young couple in simple robes.

"Hello," I said, rising and facing them.

The two people were attractive in a simple way. Their faces were moulded to perfection. Innocence flowed through every feature, as if they'd never experienced a sordid thought in their lives. Their bodies were thin and seemingly flexible. Agile. Like the body of dancers. But from their attire I could tell they travelled with sages.

"How can I help?" I asked quietly.

"Rajkumari," the woman stepped forward, "we are training as dancers. We arrived at the palace a few hours ago with a large group when we were informed of your presence here."

She paused as a blush tinged her lovely cheeks. I watched without emotion. "Your name in the world of nritya is renowned. We were hoping to have the honour of dancing with you."

Her request pained me in the same way one feels pain after biting their own tongue.

"Please don't decline us. We have come a long way and it would be our honour to have danced with you. It would be the dance of our lives." The man stepped forward.

I held back a sigh. I held back the words that spilled every time Kanha asked me to dance.

"I can play the music!" Kanha yelled, running up from behind the two.