First panic attack

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3 months. It took 3 months before I fully recovered. 3 months before I could go on another mission. Two for my stupid arm to heal, and another before I was allowed to use it again. And then there was my newest scar.

A large cut across my left cheek. A punishment suitable for my failure. It took 2 and a half months to heal, and it was obvious from the beginning there would be a scar.

I had still worked during my recovery. I couldn't do guard duty until I got the cast of because it was an obvious weakness. Let's just say I got lucky that I was allowed before it fully recovered.

I still trained too, I wasn't allowed to use my broken arm(for obvious reasons.) but I could still train the rest of my body. Once my 3 month recovery period was over I trained it twice as hard to make up for lost time.

The thought of eating made me sick. I already didn't eat much, but after the events at the swamp I felt disgusted with myself for even touching food. After all, eating just wasted time, therefore hindered my progress. I only allowed myself to eat about twice a week, and that was because I wouldn't be able to properly work and train without it.

By the time my once a year day off came around, I was exhausted, hungry, and my body hurt. Yet it filled me with satisfaction knowing I was suffering for what I did. I caused the death of so many people, I deserved this.

On my day off I woke up and snuck out of the castle. On our days off we get to do what we want as long as we follow certain rules(which were all fair if you ask me). The reason I snuck out was that no one knew that I was 13 except for Belos, and that meant I couldn't let anyone see me.

I had worn the only casual outfit I owned. A long sleeved gray shirt that said in bold black letters, "If someone told me the Owl Lady got caught, I'd say I'm the last living relative of Emperor Belos", Black gloves, a bag for holding my snails(I kept my payments in a jar hidden in my room, I just grabbed some and brought them with me.) and anything else that caught my eye. As well as dark gray pants. I didn't really know what to do with my day off. Last year I had just stayed in my room reading the entire time, but I could remember some of the other scouts talking about how they spent there days off. So I decided to spend mine in the town of Bonesborough.

As I walked through the streets I couldn't help but feel nervous. I had never been to a town before, and I couldn't help it. Not that I showed it. I had gotten good at making myself look like I was fine even if I wasn't. a stand caught my eye and that's when I saw her. The Owl Lady. A part of me wanted to arrest her right there and then, but I wasn't a scout right now. She would just take me out anyway. I walked over to her stand, I had heard that she sells 'human items' and I was intrigued.

"Hey there kid." I flinched and looked at her, her wild gray hair, yellow eyes, and red dress with that gem made it all the more obvious who she was.

"Hello there." I told her.

She smirked and pointed at my shirt, "I see your a fan."

"Hardly, I just know your quite good at avoiding authorities."

"Guilty as charged, I don't think I've seen you before. What brings you to my humble stand?" Humble? More like messy.

"I've heard about you selling human items, I guess I'm just interested to see what you have." And hopefully help in your capture.

"Well then, take a look around. But you better have some snails to spare." I was in the Emperor's Coven, of course I had Snails! In fact I was paid more than the others because of how hard I worked! As well as the fact I'm related to the person in charge.

I simply nodded though. Then something caught my eye.

"Humans have stuffed toys to?" I asked looking at it. There was one in particular that I actually really wanted.

"Yep! Want one?" She asked.

"I'm 13, I think I'm a little old for that kind of thing." In reality I really wanted that stuffed toy she had on her shelf, but I hated the idea of anyone knowing I still was into that kind of thing.

"Don't think you can fool me! I can see you longing for one of them. Tell you what, for a little extra charge, I'll keep it our secret your still into that kind of thing if we ever cross paths again." We probably will, but you won't recognize me.

I sighed, "How much?"

She told me the cost, with 5 extras to keep her mouth shut.

I looked at the stuffed toy she had given me. It looked like a brown bear with a black hat and bowtie. On the tag it said it was from 'Five Nights at Freddy's' whatever that meant.

I paid and shoved the toy in my bag. Walking away when I was done.

Once I was out of sight and earshot of the Owl Lady I quickly and quietly wrote down the name of her stand so I wouldn't forget it. I would give this to my uncle when I got back. The idea of giving him the name of her stand made me proud of myself, hopefully this helps make up for my failure.

As I continued to walk through Bonesborough, the amount of people around made me anxious. I had never been around this much people without them being scouts. I felt exposed as I continued walking, I was speeding up and accidentally bumped into someone.

"Watch where your going brat!" I heard him yell and look at me. He was much larger than me, could use magic, and was mad.

"I'm sorry!" I yelped and ran off, I knew what happened when you made people angry or disappointed and I didn't take punishment from anyone but my uncle.

I started to feel tired. I tripped and fell onto the ground. I didn't know where I was but I curled into a ball on the ground.

Stop

Stop

Stop

I felt myself be taken back to all of my punishments, remembering when he would turn into that thing. Being beat for breaking the rules, electrocuted when I accidentally destroyed things, the scars. The scars were reminders, I hated them! I hated it all! They reminded me of how much of a disappointment I was.

Stop

Stop

Stop

I deserved them, I knew that. I hated them because of it. I could feel my face getting wet.

Stop

Stop

Stop

I felt myself gasping, I couldn't breath, I couldn't breath! I needed to breath! Everything went black.

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What happened...? I sat up, it looked like it was late afternoon. I was laying on the ground, why was I on the ground? I tried to remember. I made someone angry, I ran away, then.... I remembered what happened. I could still remember the overwhelming panic, the fear I had felt. Why did that happen? Nothing like it had before, so why now? I shakily stood up. I decided that this was enough being in this stupid town. I started walking back to the castle, I wouldn't come back here ever again if I could help it.

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