The Bitchy Gangster Queen

Chapter 22 ♚

♛ The Bitchy Gangster Queen 22 ♚

SCARLETT

I’m back.

It’s been a while. I don’t exactly know what happened for the past weeks but I know that I totally messed up.

I’m not letting others to try to mess me up but I didn’t say that I can’t mess my own. I mean, not that I wanted it but because I can’t control it so I don’t exactly have a choice.

I can’t control her.

I am pertaining to my other self. And I barely remember something whatever we switch up. Ang alam ko lang, sobrang lala niya at walang makakapigil sa kanya. Ito rin ang isa sa dahilan kung bakit nasanay akong itago ang totoong emosyon ko.

I can’t let anybody get emotionally attached to me again.
Dahil kapag hindi ako nakapagpigil at nakaramdam ng sobrang emosyon, I tend to breakdown. And if I broke down, disaster happens.

Just like what happened for the past days and weeks.

Hindi lahat naaalala ko pero ikinuwento sa'kin lahat ng mga kaibigan ko ang mga kawalangyaang pinag gagagawa ko.

I bullied other students.

I forced someone to steal to someone.

I initiated food fight at the cafeteria.

I made not just one but three of my professors cried and humiliated in front of a class.

I burnt someone else’s car because I told them I was bored.

I was chased by cops but luckily, I got away.

And I fought ten gangs, alone, on the Underground but as an anonymous.

And more things that I can’t remember.

That side of me is really dangerous. More dangerous than the me in my sense. Good thing I came back to my senses, thanks to someone.

I gulped.

Mariin akong napapikit nang maalala ko kung papaano ako nakabalik. Shet na malupet. Maalala ko lang 'yon, umiinit na agad ang mga pisngi ko at bumibilis ang kabog sa dibdib ko.

Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagawa, basta ang alam ko, kahit ang kapatid at mga kaibigan ko ay hindi kayang pakalmahin at pabalikin ako sa katinuan. Hindi nila magawa dahil hindi sila makalapit sa akin. Tuwing susubok, napapalaban lang sila.

Pero siya…

Hindi ko alam kung bakit at paano mo nagawa, Chase, pero hinding-hindi ko iyon makakalimutan.

Lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Fuck!

I know I don’t remember things when she’s invading me but the memory of that day is something I can’t forget. It just keeps coming back to me.

Why does it keeps replying in my mind?! Stop self, that’s not healthy!

Is it?

Kasalukuyan akong nasa likod ng campus, ang ingay kasi sa loob at harap at ang dami pang sumusunod sa’kin, akala mo ay buntot ko. Nakakainis. Pasensya sila dahil ayaw ko ng buntot, mas gusto ko pa ang sungay.

Buti nalang dinala ako ng mga paa ko dito katatakas sa kanila. They’re so annoying.

Tumambay ako sa ilalim ng puno habang nakapikit at nakikinig ng music nang may maramdaman akong presensya na hindi kalayuan sa pwesto ko. Dinilat ko ang mga mata at tumingin doon. Hindi nga ako nagkamali, may nakatingin nga sa akin.