wish you were gay | billie eilish

8 | i did it for you

continued..

so here billie and i are chilling. our shirts are still off and that's fine.. idk i guess it was all happening way to fast for me.

not me being a pussy.. i have my reasons though.

billie was drifting off to sleep, i slowly moved in her bed trying to get up. "wait," she said softly. "can you stay?"

i nodded my head and laid back down. she moved in closer to me to snuggle under me. my heart was fluttering.. bad. i got butterflies in my stomach.

i haven't felt a feeling like this in a long time.  

-

i woke up to billie sitting up in the bed next to me, talking on facetime.

"oh look she's up," she chuckled, panning the screen to me, revealing margie.

"what the hell?" i asked all groggy. "margie?"

"she was calling you and you were too slumped to answer so i did," billie shrugged, handing me the phone. she smiled at me and caressed my chin before getting up to go to the bathroom.

once billie shut the bathroom door, margie's eyebrows rose to the damn sky. "forreal?" she asked me.

i yawned. "oh don't start with me margaret."

"where's your shirt?" she put her hand on her forehead in distress.

"somewhere on the floor," i said.

"dear fucking christ. so you guys had-"

"no we didn't," i said quietly. "hell i couldn't," i rolled my eyes, being irritated with myself.

"di- did you want to?"

"yes," i rubbed my eyes, sitting up in the bed. "my brain is just.. you know."

"have you thought about starting therapy while out there?"

"no. i'm too fucking busy."

"never too busy to help yourself lei," marg tilted her head.

i sighed. "yeah yeah, i honestly think i'm good without it though."

"well.. does billie know?" she whispered.

i shook my head. "you kidding? do you know what she'd do if she knew?" i furrowed my eyebrows.

"she really cares about you," marg grinned like a proud mom.

i playfully rolled my eyes at her.

"well yall be kissing and shit and almost had sex. so what are you guys?" she asked.

"friends."

margie made a straight face at me. "be forreal."

"im so deadass. we still have boyfriends," i shrugged.

"but it's obvious you two want each other," she blinked.

"that doesn't mean it's so easy to act on," i shook my head.

"i don't see why not," she raised her voice. "i don't know her deal but you? this is your chance to leave jacob for good."

i didn't say anything.

"unless i'm wrong about your feelings," marg bucked her eyes.

"no but-"

"but all you know is jacob blah blah yes i know," she mocked me. "change that! he's manipulative and abusive lani. a change is overdue."

"i know," i sighed. "alright. okay yeah. ugh but she's still with mattress," i rolled my eyes.

"maybe she just needs to see that you're actually interested in her. i don't know," marg shrugged.