Withering Lavenders ~ Kokichi angst ( Completed )

Day 18

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⚠️⚠️Mentions of Suicide⚠️⚠️

     My last day... no, not just that. My last couple hours. I walk out of my house, and towards my backyard. There were mostly woods there, but I have a section filled with pretty flowers. It took me a while to convince my mother to let me plant them, but I eventually convinced her.
     I kneel in front of the oleander. Since it didn't have any roots when I planted it, it was already dying. As expected, it's still a little sad. The lotus blossom on the other hand is looking fine. That's good at least. Many of my other flowers also look quite healthy. That's all good.
     But maybe I'm still doing something wrong, on my last day alive I'm still messing everything up. One of my favorite flowers seems to be wilting.
     "Fuck, my lavenders are withering."
     "Watch your language. Guys don't find dirty mouths attractive, you know."
     "Oh shut up Kono." It's annoying having an older brother sometimes. "Hey while you're here, what flower do you think is the prettiest?"
     I turn to him, awaiting his response. He seemed to take a moment to think, and to be honest wasn't expecting a genuine answer. "I dunno, maybe water lilies, or wisteria."
     "Both poisonous flowers.." sigh.
     "Hey you have no right to say that, don't you like oleanders?"
     "Yeah but my favorites are lavenders. Which aren't poisonous, you dumbass."
     Whatever. I hurried up and watered my plants. We haven't had much rain recently, and after dying, I'm not sure what's gonna happen to them.
     I guess I should finish up my suicide note too. I've been making sure I mention everything that I need to. While walking inside I saw my brother again... maybe I should warn him.
     "Hey Kono, tonight, and tomorrow, don't go into my room. Ok?"
     "Huh? You better not be doing weird shit in there."
     "Doesn't matter what I'm doing, just don't go in. Not until you see me leave it." He's not going to be seeing me leave, not unless someone takes my body out.
     "Ok, whatever." He continued to ignore me afterwards. Doesn't matter this will work, I will kill myself. I go upstairs and enter my room.
     Since I'm here I should check my discord server, I'm not active on there much anymore. So if I disappear I'm sure it wouldn't make a difference, either one of my mods will take over, or it'll die. Whatever is fine.
     After making it to my room I quickly open my computer, turning on discord. Damn it just looks like they're talking about Homestuck or something. Guess this is what I get for befriending a bunch of losers.. I love them all so much.
     "Maybe I should say something?" I sighed, starting to type on my keyboard.
     'KO: Hello home boys, and home mens'
     'TC: AHHH'
     'Danny: hi kokichi'
     'KO: What are Y'all even doing?'
     'MC: We're just talking about Homestuck headcannon stuff'
     'KO: Oh, losers.'
     'TC: IT'S NICE TO SEE U ON, CAN U VC?'
     'KO: Probably later Tonight,'
     'MC: While your on, you should hang with us tomorrow, in the woods at that one abandoned house'
     'MC: You're*'
     Seriously? They're hanging out the day after I die? What do I even say here?
     'KO: Yep! I can Totally come'
     'TC: YAY'
     'Danny: can't wait to see you then :)'
     'KO: Mhm! I'm gonna go off then, bye losers'
     'KO: Love ya'
     KO - King Ouma, TC - Terminally Capricious, Danny - Danny, MC - Mmm Cheese
     I turn off discord, and shut my computer. I'm gonna feel bad, I can't go see them. I haven't seen them since, almost exactly a year ago. At a funeral. I do kinda miss them, though I doubt they miss me. Why would anyone care about someone like me?
    "Sigh, this sucks. I hate this all." I glance at the time, "8 more hours." So close yet so far.
     I got up from my chair, grabbing paper from my backpack. I have stuff to do, I don't have time for dumb friends. I need to finish this suicide note. I'm still upset about my lavenders though, maybe they'll die at the same time as me.
     It's just like if I'm the withering lavenders.

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⚠️⚠️Description of Suicide, description of overdose⚠️⚠️

     It's time.
     It's time to set everything up. A couple more minutes until I shall pass away. Finally, I grabbed my final last words, spread out on a bunch of papers.
     "Now where are my.." Ah! There are my pills! Dosulepin. I've checked a couple days before, apparently it's very easy to overdose on this, so that shouldn't be a problem.
     I need to do one more thing. One thing doesn't feel right. I open my phone, going straight to messages.
     'Hey Shumai ^^! I just wanna let u know, whatever Happens tonight. It isn't your fault, ok? :)'
     Send. It's pretty late, I hope he's asleep right now. He can't stop me.
     "Stupid fucking bottle caps.." I took a few good minutes to open the cap, it took until my knuckles turned white.
     I dumped all the pills into my hands. Taking a big breath, I quickly downed all of them.
     "Ack-" cough cough. Immediately I felt myself choke up, and cough immediately. "Ouch- fuck-!"
     I reach out onto my table, grabbing the first bottle I could reach. Old Panta tastes gross, but it at least made me not choke. I still felt something stuck in my throat. Whatever, this doesn't matter, I'm trying to kill myself here!
     "Fuck!" I start scratching at my throat, it feels like fire, it hurts so bad! "Ah! Stop stop stop!" Another cough escaped. God damn it I feel like I'm vomiting! I continue to scratch until my neck bled, and eventually stand up. Though I could barely stand with my knees shaking, I leaned against the wall. Immediately I hit my head against the wall.
     "Stop! Stop this!" No, no it shouldn't stop. I need this! I want to be dead! It hurts so bad, I'd rather pass out then have to wait for me to just die! My body got heavy, and fell to the ground making a crash. My hands keep scratching all around my neck and check, my whole body is in pain, my head is now aching.
     It felt like I was gonna vomit blood, I kept coughing. Eventually my hands fell weak next to me. I was just laying in misery, unable to help myself. I coughed more, my eyes dropping small tears.
     Why does this hurt so bad!? I thought overdose was more peaceful, not painful. Why didn't anyone say anything about that, when I was looking online about it- I never saw anything about pain.
     "I... I can.. I can still-" cough cough, "I can still speak at least." I should've gone out a different way, this hurts so much.
     It doesn't matter anymore, my eyesight is blurred. My hands, neck, arms, legs, head.. it all hurts. Hurts so much, it burns.
     I blink again, but this time, I couldn't open my eyes. My body relaxes, a feeling of needing to cough lingers, yet nothing comes out. I take the last breath, or at least I remember it being my last one. And finally, my mind goes blank.
     It's all over.
     I'm dead.