Withering Lavenders ~ Kokichi angst ( Completed )

Day 8

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⚠️⚠️mention of S/H, abuse mention, ED⚠️⚠️

     Another day passes, another boring class begins. English sucks, like I mentioned before, I already know English, so I'm just wasting time in this class. I wish I was home, so I can just nap. I'm tired. So far Shuichi hasn't talked to me at all, I dunno if he doesn't want to, or if he's embarrassed or something. He's just a fucking loser so I don't have to worry about it.
     The teacher's phone rang, so she walked over to answer it. Looking at what she wrote on the board, I wonder if she can speak English. She wrote quite a couple words wrong, and used a few in the wrong context. Damn.
     "Oh yeah I'll send him down." The teacher put the phone back in place, and made eye contact with me. "Kokichi the office would like to see you."
     "Huh? Oh alright, should I take my stuff?"
     "No, I'm sure you won't be in there for too long."
     "Ok."
     I got up from my desk, and walked out towards the office. What could they want to see me for? Maybe it was about my 'cheating' on that test, even though Mrs. Chisa said she got it figured out. Whatever it probably won't be important.
     After I entered the office, one of the ladies at the front desk smiled at me.
     "Kokichi right?"
     I nod my head. I wanted to say something snarky, but my voice was suddenly gone..
     "Ok, come back here, and find Mrs. Sakai's office." She gestured for me to come behind the counter. I did what I was told, where I eventually walked down a hallway with nameplates on the door. I stopped in front of Sakai's office: I know she's a counselor but not much more.
     "Good morning Ouma." She greeted me when I opened the door. I nodded my head at her, "come take a seat."
     After sitting down, I waited for her to speak again.
     "How are you feeling?"
     "..." I still couldn't speak.
     "Ok, I'll get to it. A student reached out to me, saying that they're concerned that you might be cutting yourself. Can I see your arm?"
     The words 'cutting yourself' sent a shiver down my spine. There isn't much of a way to get out of this. I slowly lift up my left sleeve.
     "..."
     "I don't cut, these are all old scars from a while ago." The only scars on my arm were all old.
     She didn't even look at my arm, she continued to stare at me. She didn't have any expression.
     "Hm?" I tried to finish this, I want to go back to class.
     "Kokichi. I'm not dumb, I know you're left handed."
     Fuck.. The only scars on my left hand were barely visible, or scars. But I know if I show my right hand, oh god. I don't want my mom to find out, that's all they'll do. They'll just tell her, and then she gets mad at me. Who even told her I did this? Whoever it is, don't they know that school counselors are useless! The only person who knows that I've been hurting myself is Rantaro, but even he knows I hate talking to adults. So who else could've said something?
     "Show me your right arm now, please."
     Damn it.

     "Hey Rantaro." It was lunch, Mrs. Sakai found everything out, and she already told my mother. I just wonder who it was who told her about me?
     "Yes Kokichi?"
     "You know how in class, I was called to the office?"
     "Yeah, did something happen?"
     "Um, yeah. Did you tell the school that I've been... hurting myself?"
     "No, the school doesn't help. I remember before when you told me that the teachers told your mother, and in response she beat you, right?"
     I looked away, I don't want to remember that moment.
     "Did you get called down for that?"
     "Mhm. She found out and called my mother."
     "I see. After School if you need somewhere to hide, my house is always open for you."
     "Thanks Ran~Chan.." I lay my head on my hands as he continued to eat. God, I haven't eaten in how long? Originally I lost my appetite when my friends died. The feeling of being hungry feels normal now. At least I'm able to control what I'm eating. I know when I've eaten, and what it was. Same with my weight, I know how heavy I am. The numbers are still going down, it's kinda nice.

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⚠️⚠️E/D⚠️⚠️

     There she is. I'm back home, and my mother just got back. She placed down her bag, and took a cigarette box out of her pocket. She lit it, and took a second to breathe in the smoke.
     "Kokichi.. Get dressed and make yourself presentable. We're gonna go to dinner." Great. Now I have to go to dinner with her. I really don't want to, but I got up and went upstairs. I put on a simple outfit my mother would like. Maybe this dinner won't be too bad, she isn't drunk this time.
     "Mom.. I'm ready to go."
     "Finally. Let's go."

     We're at some restaurant. Apparently the company my mom is working with has some connection to this place, therefore my mother doesn't have to pay for the food. I guess I can't complain about it too much though, her acting career got us a lot of stuff... Just sucks that everytime in middle school, when CPS was called on my mother (from showing up to school with bruises) nothing happened because of her fame. It just kinda sucks I guess. She gets away with so much.
     "What do you want to eat?" She closed her menu.
     "I don't know.."
     "Well if you can't choose something I'll choose something for you."
     I stayed silent after that. I don't know what to get, especially with my mother here. I can't get anything with too many calories, or she will say something about it. And that wouldn't be a good thing to eat anyways, especially to lose weight.
     Some people walked past us, and later our waiter came to take our order. I had my mother choose something for me to eat, where afterwards the guy left. I don't know what to do or say. My mom is looking at me like she's expecting me to talk, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to say the wrong thing, or she might hurt me again.
     "Listen Kokichi-"
     "Excuse me." Me and my mother turned to see a short lady talking to us. "Sorry to interrupt, but are you Kasch Ouma?"
     "Yes I am, you're Aimi right? The one who retired two years ago?"
     "Yeah! I'm surprised you remember me. How have you been!"
     Great, my mom is now talking to one of her friends. Wonder how long this will take? As I was about to continue spacing out, I heard something.
     "Yeah I heard he died. That's tragic, especially since he was so nice."
     Huh? Who died-?
     "It really was sad, but they say he died peacefully. People always said that even though he was the nicest manager, that he was also very anxious. And if you looked at him for a second too long you'd see him worry. How sad."
     ... He sounds kinda like me. Even though I know when I die, no one will be saying anything nice about me. Maybe the best thing they'll say is 'it's so sad he killed himself' but that'll be it. I could always try to make some fun memories for everyone for when I leave, they have something to say at my funeral.
     How will my mother speak about me? With who she is, I know she would lie. Saying all the 'great' things she would do with me. I'll make sure she doesn't have a chance to do that, maybe that is the reason suicide notes are made.
     Their conversation was cut short, as our food came out.. Great. I don't want to eat especially with my mother here. She took my plate of food, and separated part of it. After placing it back in front of me she spoke.
     "Don't eat these, they'll make you fat."
     "Ok." I stared down, I know it's wrong, but I haven't eaten in awhile.
     "Kokichi. About school."
     "..."
     "Listen I don't care, if you want to cut yourself so badly, then do it."
     "Mom I-"
     "But listen here, you better get better at hiding it or something, you know how bothersome it is to get a call during work, just to tell me the same thing you're goddamned middle school told me. Do you understand."
     "Yes."
     She stared at me, waiting for something.
      "Yes, Ma'am."