Withering Lavenders ~ Kokichi angst ( Completed )

Day 17

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      Lunch time. Again. It's my last day at school. Ever. No one here is gonna remember me ever again. The weekend- no. Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the end, no one will ever see me again. All last conversations will be there.
     Though I was very excited to die, I just couldn't bring myself to have my usual act. I just felt tired, tired of forcing myself to live this long. The only thing I have yet to look forward to is a bunch of pills, ones that will take me to a different reality. Ran~Ran also seems to be keeping an eye on me too. Probably because of last night. Damn it. It doesn't matter, I'm too tired and sad to care.
     Eventually I made it to our table. Apparently Kaito invited me and Rantaro to sit with all of them. I don't think he really asked the other ones though, considering he sits with Maki and Shuichi. Maki wasn't here yet.
     "Hey Kaito, we're here." Rantaro greeted them. I stayed silent.
     I slowly sat next to Rantaro. As I laid my head on my hands, I could feel him place a hand on my hair.
     "Are you alright, Kokichi?" Kaito reached across the table, touching my hand slightly. I don't like people touching me. Other than Rantaro I guess, I pulled my hand away.
     "..."
     He looked at Rantaro, I guess trying to find an answer from him.
     "He hasn't been feeling well today.. Please excuse him." He scratched my head a little.
     "Oh? Is he alright?" Shuichi seemed more interested this time.
     "Oh everything should be fine.. I just wanna keep an eye on him though."
     "I told you I'm fine." I finally speak up. I do feel kinda bad. I mean, this is my last day here, they invited us to sit with them, and now I'm not even talking. God, what's wrong with me? "I'm sorry, I just, don't feel good today." I give them a small smile. I shouldn't be feeling this way anyways.
     "Do you wanna talk about it?" Kaito again, obviously. He always gets into other people's business.
     "Oh please, there's nothing to talk about." That's right. I can't tell them, I mean- everyone here is just trying to stop me. They don't like me. They hate me in fact.
     "Of course you don't have to talk about it Kokichi, but based on what I've seen... I don't think it's nothing."  God damn, shut up Rantaro.
     "Oh no, it's nothing at all. I totally don't have any issues!" I tried my best to keep a positive and lighthearted voice within my response.
     I see Shuichi look away from me.
     "Well, we're all your friends here so don't ever hesitate talking to us." Kaito gave a 'reassuring' smile... yeah right, he's waiting for me to die isn't he? Out of everyone he must hate me. I mean why wouldn't he?
     I laid my head back down. I really do wanna talk about it. I know I do. But I can't, like I said they'll stop me. Plus I don't actually wanna talk, I just want the attention. That's right.
     Yet just hearing them say those words, it hurts... why. Why does it feel bad? I don't know.
     Haru~Maki has finally sat down. She ignored me, as expected. The conversation moved on as well, I mean that's what I wanted to happen... God damn it I better not start crying, especially around these idiots! I just-
     I felt someone else's hand on me. I knew it was already too late, as small cold tears dripped from my eyes.
     "Hey what's wrong?" I heard Shuichi whisper to me. Apparently someone else heard though.
     "Wait, are you crying?" It was Kaito. Great, the attention is on me again, ugh.
     "It's not that I just..." I lifted up my head, wiping away wet tears. "It's just, you guys are really good friends. That's all."
     They all seemed shocked from my statement. I mean I don't say stuff like that often, and it wasn't entirely a lie either. They are nice to me, even if I hate them all and they all hate me.
     They seemed to approve of that though. Kaito gave a smile and started talking about something.
     Yeah, my last day at school isn't gonna be so bad. With these losers it won't be so bad.

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     "Hey.. Ran~Ran?"
     It's the end of the day, surprisingly neither of us had to talk to anyone. So we're able to walk out together instead of having to wait.
     "Hm? Yes?" He looked down at me.
     "Can.. I come to your house again?"
     "Oh yeah of course! Is there any reason why?"
     "No, I just wanna be with you today." I could've lied and said something about my parents but... it's my last day, I don't wanna lie to him. I'm too tired to lie anyways.
     "You just wanna, hang out with me?"
     "Yeah, is that ok?"
     "Of course, come on I wanna show you some stuff!"

     We took a shortcut to Rantaro's house, specifically so I didn't have to go past my house. We walked into Ran~Chan's room, and sat down on his bed.
     We spent the time talking about some of his collections (and he apparently has some really cool shit I didn't know about), and it eventually turned to his traveling.
     "So you've traveled like the whole world?"
     "Aha, pretty much."
     "Have you been to Russia then!"
     "Oh, no not exactly, they don't let outsiders in."
     "Aw damn, I wanted to know if you saw my extended family. Well, did you go to Canada?" I've heard they have weird ass food. And people but mostly food.
     "Oh yeah! It was pretty cool there, and I mean that literally. It was cold." He laughed.
     "Eheh! What were your sisters like?"
     "My sisters?" He thought, "Well, each one was very different."
     I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue.
     "I have very vivid memories, back in early middle school. When I came home I would hang out with each one of them, they all were so excited to see me." He took a sigh, his small smile fading into a neutral expression. He reached his hands towards mine, grabbing them gently. "Honestly.. I feel like the ultimate worst brother for losing them."
     "Don't say that, you shouldn't take the blame for losing them. You're still a kid, you shouldn't be the only ones looking after them."
     "My parents are busy a bunch though, I know they care for us but I told them I would take care of us. It technically is my fault."
     "But, you're the best brother I've ever had, you care about your sisters a lot." He didn't respond to me. "After high school you're gonna look for them again aren't you?"
     "Yeah. I'm not gonna stop until I have them all home again."
     "See! You care, bad brothers wouldn't do any of that. You're a good guy Ran~ran. A good brother too." I don't know exactly how to comfort him. I don't usually see this side of him, but I'm glad he's trusting me more. Too bad I have to stop it tomorrow. Right tomorrow.
     "I guess so. To be honest I see you as a younger sibling, and I think that's mostly what's keeping me sane currently. I wouldn't wanna lose it in front of you."
     "Awww, well I'm not going anywhere!" I hate lying to him.
     "That's right, thank you Kokichi." He started rubbing his neck, "I don't know what came over me. Sorry about that!"
     "No need to apologize, it's ok!"
     He gave me a smile, "Back on traveling the world, I learned a lot about different cultures."
     "Ohh! Like what?"
     We spent the rest of the night talking, and messing around. I really do enjoy Rantaro's company. I'm gonna miss him.