Anti-Academy

The Night before the First Day!?

First set of classes are starting today. I spent the weekend getting to know the girls. It has been long hours of laughs, games, food and drinks. It was like stepping into another world. Having never been around anyone alone and experiencing this weird bonding they call friendship.

The clock beside my bed read 12:07 AM. I have watched the time click by minute by minute since the girls called it a night at 10:30. Blowing out a heavy sigh I grab my blanket and phone and walk out of the room. Walking out the door of the dorm room I turn to the left. The hallway is long and darker than when I've used it before but I head with confidence to the door at the end. The door opens to a staircase that leads to the roof of our building. Roe showed me this place earlier today. She called it her serenity. She said she often likes to escape the weight of everything by coming up here to breathe alone. It is beautiful during the day especially at twilight. The architects really went all out with the design of the roof top gardens. Having a series of dorms along the edge of the campus topped with serene gardens all connected with stairs of various types. It's the most beautiful place anyone could've imagined to find at a school. But when all the students come from prestigious families and grew up with all the amenities they'd ever think to make life easier for them I guess anything is possible.

The garden above our dorm room wasn't overwhelmingly covered in plants and flowers like someone would picture when hearing the word garden. The reality was more. More than should be possible for roof top gardens.

Roe and I just sat and watched the sun set then joined the other girls for another couple of episodes of Call me Kat. They were all dozing before heading to their own rooms. But I could not escape my need to see the stars again. My restlessness isn't new but being alone, not having to worry about someone coming in or what will happen next in the silence is deafening. I don't know how to not worry about bad things happening. How am I supposed to stop looking at ever shadow waiting for it to move? How do I stop looking for her everywhere? Around every corner? How am I supposed to look forward to being here doing all these new things? This is what I've been waiting for so why aren't I happier? But I don't know what is even possible here. New situations are not common in my life and not having to watch what I say and do is panic inducing.

Taking a deep breath, I push myself the roof door to the wonderland that is Serenity.

The only lights glowing on the roof top were the glowing lamps randomly placed in the middle of the plant plots, and the lights lining the path way. At least until you reach the glowing stones leading up and around the second level. I followed the glowing stone path all the way to the back of the second level where a small nook waited within the midst of a foe rock wall lined with vines and greenery. This spot would not only would this give me privacy and protection from the wind but also allow me to have the best view of the stars as well as both pathways. It was away from most of the lamps and the ground light pollution with only the glowing footpath stones.

Shuffling into the seat I tuck my legs into my chest before pulling out my phone. Scrolling through my contact list I wonder who to call.
I miss my brother and sister...well I guess they'd be my cousins now? Right? Things haven't been right between us since they've discovered the truth. Although I want to make the first step I'm not sure they're ready for it. They have a tendency to blame themselves for any and all mistakes. Just another product of how we were brought up. Rolling my eyes I remind myself that I decided to be brave now. No more waiting. No more fear.
Right! That's going well don't you think?
Rolling my eyes at my inner monologue I push the icon to connect to Marie's number and listen while it rings. And rings and rings.

"Hr lll um o" her voice mumbles over the line.
"Marie?"
"Sang!" Theres some fumbling, shuffling and a lot of curses before; "Sang? Still there?"
"Yes, are you okay? You don't sound good."
"Ahem, what? Oh yea no I am fine just a little morning sickness at night. It just that the baby has it's nights and days mixed up I guess. Fitting though since the father is a pain in my @$$."
A thump sounds suddenly then I hear puking in the background. Sighing heavily I wonder if there is anything I can do for her.
Yea! You can do so much hundreds of miles away! And with absolutely no knowledge of pregnancies! Great thinking! My inner monologue is getting really exhausting.
More noises sound over the phone.
"Hello?" A deep voice comes over the phone.
"AJ? It's Sang."
"Thank God! I thought this was the Academy calling her for another job. How you doing kid?"
"Me? Oh I'm fine. Just wanted to check in on her but I guess things are getting harder for her. This probably wasn't a good time to reach out huh?"
"Yea it's getting tougher on her. I mean she's at the point where there's nothing she can hold down." He sighs heavily and I hear a thump like maybe he sat down hard on something. "If she keeps this up she's going to get dehydrated! That would be bad for them both. Which on top of being out of her mind worried about you, not sleeping, jumping every time the phone rings because she's scared its a call about you. She just struggling and I don't know how to help her. I'm completely useless here. But there will never be a time we don't want to hear from you Sang. We love you. Your brother and sister want to give you space and wait until you reach out but you all need each other. And I'm assuming that you've been waiting for? Them to reach out to you first? Unsure if it would be accepted."
"Yea, pretty much." With a self deprecating laugh "Well I can't fix all of that for Marie and you but I can start on a few. Have you given her anything sour with mint?"
"What?! No! That sounds horrid. Won't that just make everything come up faster? Is that come kind of new purging thing? You aren't bulimic are you?"
"No to being bulimic. As for the purging thing... that actually might do that to others. Anyways I used to make us frozen lemonades that were tart and I'd always stick some mint leaves in hers. It always quenched her thirst before maybe it can soothe her now? As for the worrying about me I can talk to her about that. What is she doing now?"
"Oh hell I forgot!" The phone thuds again and I hear voices in the distance mumbling and sobbing. Marie is completed wrecked.
Shuffling grabs my attention then I hear a whispered "Sang?"
"I'm still here! Marie, You have to take care of yourself!"
"Excuse me! I am doing my best! It's not my fault this child can't figure out if it likes me!"
"There she is! I knew my sister was still in there somewhere. Hopefully AJ hasn't flown for the hills yet. Quick tie him to the chair!" Giggling uncontrollably my breathing becomes labored and I feel a few twinges in my ribs but hearing her laughter joining with mine was a gift. We spent the next 45 minutes discussing my move in, the roommates as well as first day jitters.

When I finally made it into my bed at 1:27, I don't even remember my head hitting my pillow before drifting into wonderful dreams of helping Marie prep for the baby.