Space in Between

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Sang POV

Silence is deafening. Wasn't it supposed to be beautiful and peaceful after everything came to an end. Instead for me there is nothing but endless blackness surrounding me. Whispers of shadows, dark secrets, and hidden intentions that lay just beyond reach in an infinite black abyss. Time is frozen and I'm stuck. No way out. All alone again.

Why am I always alone?

That's all I remember at least until my mind begins to become conscious of the comings and goings wherever I am.

First, there was just darkness and then I heard his voice. Agony so intense threatens to pull me under away from his voice. "Sang, stay with me. Don't give up on me, Sang. A beauty like you has a million lives to live beyond this town."  He thinks I'm beautiful?

His voice wraps me in warmth when I feel so cold. My body feels like its collapsing. I feel pressure everywhere. I don't know where I end and the pain begins or is it where the pain ends and I begin? How can anyone think or care?! It's like my body is vibrating and sinking into an endless vat of searing torment. Like my whole body is the tingling sensation before everything explodes.

"She's going into shock!!! AJ we've got to stop this bleeding she doesn't have much blood left to give...Sang, Come on Pookie, Please! Stay with us. Don't give up now just keep fighting. Max and Marie are here just waiting for you to open those beautiful eyes of yours." I think I feel something brush my face but I can't find it.  "Come on, Sang!!! Damn it, what'd that bitch knick thrusting around in there?! I can't stop the bleeding!!! AJ!!!"

There's more but I can't understand him anymore. I want to cry. Why can't he stay? His voice continues to fade and no matter how hard I fight I can't stay...can't keep the warmth...It's not staying... Why is it not staying?

I feel like I'm swimming in frozen water. Everything around me freezing in place by the second. I'm fighting to get to the surface yet wanting so badly to surrender. It's so cold and I'm so tired. 

It's so lonely here... Always alone.

"Sang..."
Marie?
"Please, forgive me..."
Wait don't go!! I'm here.

"So sorry..."
Max?
"All my fault..."
Not you too!!! Please don't leave me. Not again. I'm so tired of being alone.

There is nothing for a long time. So long that I get lost between the bits and pieces that manage to get through the darkness. The little voices. The pleading and the tears. It rips my heart to pieces not seeing them or comforting them as their world falls apart. I just want to hear them. I want to see them. All of it. 

Why does everything seem so fragmented? Why does it sound like I'm in another place... Where am I? Why am I trapped?! Is this another punishment!?! I thought it had all finally ended. Haven't I suffered enough? What did I ever do to deserve this!?! When will it ever be enough!?!

My heart is breaking. I can feel it aching in my chest. Or where my chest would be. Wait, does that mean I don't really have a heart? If I don't then why can I feel my heart but nothing else?

I hear a door open and close as it echoes through the darkness that surrounds me. Seconds later I hear voices speaking but I can't understand them until they seem to move closer. "The only thing I can say definitively is that this girl is a survivor." HE'S BACK!!! I had hoped he would come back. The warm voice. Will he stay this time?

"She has had extensive trauma to her body." Why doesn't his voice sound happy? A voice that warm should always sound happy. He shouldn't talk about this. None of that matters anymore. "Her x-rays and scans show multiple healed fractures, burns, scars, contusions and concussions. She is severely malnourished almost to the point of starvation and dehydration." NO! STOP!! I want to scream at the warm voice. I try beating back the darkness but its hopeless. Those are secrets. You can't tell someone's secrets. That's not fair. But he doesn't hear me, no one ever does.

"All the surface wounds: the bruising, lacerations, burns and swelling should heal fine in time. However, it's the emotional trauma created by the abuse that I am most concerned with. I can't say an exact time it started but the abuse has been sustained over at least the last three years." I hear a choked sob and want to frown. No one is supposed to be sad anymore. The warm voice should leave now. This is not what I wanted. Why is he doing this?

"Will she wake up?" MAX!! He's here? Why is he here? I thought they would have left me by now. They always leave me. As soon as I think that thought guilt swarms. Of course they wouldn't leave, not when they found me broken. This time when darkness comes I welcome it. Why does everything have to be so wrong? Doesn't it ever end?  Is it always this hard?

I can't tell anymore what is going on. I can't make sense of the voices that I hear. Some of the voices are intriguing, deep with mysterious accents. Some are sweet, kind and lighthearted like the warm voice but different.

The voices talk of plans and searches. Strategies and secret places. I used to do that. That was fun and easy. It's always easier to see the bad guys intentions and devotion to their plan when you've lived with one. Bad guys don't always show their true selves. Sometimes evil is hidden. Sometimes evil goes bone deep. Evil is all I see now. The darkness inside a person just waiting to come out. I don't like when the voices talk about finding Mother. I don't want the voices to find her. I don't want to go back. Please, don't make me go back.

I hear Marie and Max's voice often. I don't think they ever leave although sometimes their so silent. They are not speaking to one another only to me. They are always apologizing and asking for me to come back. Marie cries a lot. She blames herself but how could she have known. She shouldn't be sad that can't be good for the baby. 

I want so badly to return to them. To assure them that it's not their fault. That I'm the one to blame but the blackness gets stronger every time I push towards them. Last time I didn't know if I'd make it back to them. There was so much pain as I pushed. I heard loud beeping and lots of screams before the darkness took over. The darkness gives you a lot of time to think. I realized I don't want to be weak anymore. It was weak of me not to tell Marie or Max what had been going on. Especially when I knew it wasn't my fault. It was weak not standing up to her. I let her win every time I hid. Every time I lied about how things were going at home. Every time I put a little more distance between me and the twins.

I should've told them a long time ago. Even if they hadn't known what to do it wouldn't have been such a shock to them. They shouldn't have found out that way. No one should ever find out about their parents that way.

But how do I get back?

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