Anti-Academy

Breaking

Sang POV

At the beginning there were moments in this darkness where I thought I would finally find peace or as close to it as I have ever been. However, despite the peace, I've always wanted to go back. To Max and Marie. It hasn't happened...yet. Every time I try to push back against the darkness to reach where their voices are, there is this immense pain before darkness overwhelms me. 

At this moment, I want out right now. Memories keep coming back. Moments of excruciating pain relived over and over. This is more torturous than experiencing any of mother's punishments. I've been here so long I know when those memories are creeping up to haunt me. There's a chill that descends on the darkness and if darkness could have shadows then that's what surrounds me each time they come. It feels like I could reach out and touch them; prevent their assault but it's just a hopeless lie I tell myself. That I can escape them. 

That's what I am doing right now.

Fighting back the shadows with no faces that are constantly trying to wrap me in those awful memories. I am not going to let them win. I refuse. Do you hear me?! You will not win this time!! I try lashing out for the billionth time meeting only empty black space. I try again and again. Throwing punches, kicks, scratching and yelling for it all to end! I do this every time. It's always the same. An endless cycle of lonely suffering.

This time however just when I think the shadows will finally quit and back off like usual. The darkness moves in. The feeling is suffocating. I feel it wrap around me like a snake; coiling around me and squeezing until there's nothing left to devour. Only I'm already in the darkness so after this who knows where I'll go or if I'll even be able to hear Marie or Max there. Panic begins to take over. If this is how it's going to end then I'm gonna go down swinging.

I fight harder than I've ever fought before. Not only does my life depend on it but so does Max and Marie's. What would happen if I died now? They'd blame themselves forever!!! Never speaking to each other again. I can't let that happen to us. We are all we have!!!

No!!! I will never give up!!! I will not go out like this.

Everything fades slowly the longer I fight. The dark lightens with each punch I throw. Light begins to shine with each kick. Hope grows so quickly. This is it. I'm finally going back. I fight harder smiling with each hit and even though I'm just striking air it seems to be working. I'm going to do it.

When the darkness disappears completely I look around expecting to see something... anything but the white empty space in front of me. I turn in circles expecting a way out then I see a single door.

My stomach protests the second it comes into view. This is the final test. I don't know how I know but I do with a certainty that's unexpected.

I walk slowly to the door. But just as I reach for the handle my arm is wrapped in rusty chains and I hear it. The laughter I prayed I'd never hear again. As the tears fall down my cheeks I lay my head against the door and sob.

I don't even have to turn, I feel Mother behind me. I can hear her laughter. Her mocking voice.

You thought you could just leave? I'm not done with you yet. I will never be finished with you. You just never learn your lesson, do you? Her voice is haunting and mocking as it echoes in the empty space. It leaves me feeling cold and alone. Always striping away any security or hope that may come. There's no happiness for you, Sang. There will never be a happily ever after for you. You will always be the whore I know you to be. You're worthless, Sang, useless and no matter where you go or what you do that's not going to change. You're wrong!!! I want to scream at her but my mouth doesn't work in here. I can only scream my thoughts in my head. Knowing she can't hear them but needing to say them anyways. I am not worthless or useless I could do so much. I could at least try. I've never even had the chance to try. Even if you go back to them, you'll see, eventually they'll all see the real you. They'll leave and you'll be all alone. Again. No, Marie and Max have stayed this long. They wouldn't leave me now. Would they? If I woke up would that free them from their guilt so they can leave? Do I want them to stay with me out of guilt? Maybe then you'll learn. I'm always right. Especially about you. Her voice grows louder until I think I feel her breath on the back of my neck.