Where You Belong

83

She said nothing as she crossed through the doorway, and stopped between the door and the bed, her body stiff and her eyes filled with uncertainty.

Derek released the handle of the suitcase and closed the door, before turning and meeting her eyes.

Meredith opened her mouth, as if to say something, but paused.

In a heartbeat, Derek closed the gap between them and pressed his lips against hers.

She kissed him back, her hands resting on his shoulders and her body pressed to his, but not in the deep, passionate way that would lead to something.

Derek broke the kiss to peck her on the lips, cheek and forehead, before pressing his forehead against hers and closing his eyes, revelling in the feeling of having her so close; of being able to touch her and hold her and smell her.

God, he had missed her.

Her hands slid down from his shoulder to his chest, and her fingers closed around his tee shirt. He snaked his hands around her waist and rested them on the small of her back.

"I can't believe you're here," he whispered.

She shuddered against him, but didn't pull away. "I'm so sorry I ran, Derek."

"You didn't run," he reassured. "You needed time."

This time she did pull away, but only far enough to meet his eyes. "I did run. I was... I was so scared. Of everything. One thing after another just kept happening and then Burke..." She trailed off for a moment to collect her thoughts. "I love you and I trust you," she told him, meeting his eye. "But Burke left Cristina on their wedding day. Their wedding day! They were supposed to get married and be together forever. And they met when we did. And he was an attending and she was an intern, just like we were. And they got engaged around the time we did." She closed her eyes for a long moment, and when she reopened them, they didn't meet his. "And I couldn't help but hear the same words he used coming out of your mouth."

"Mer, I would never-"

"I know," she said, cutting him off. "I know. But in that moment, after everything..." She sniffed, and hesitantly met his eyes again. "I couldn't make my mind rationalize that. Cristina was so broken... If that were me, I... I don't know how I'd be breathing."

"We're not them," he reassured, his heart breaking for her, but extremely grateful she was here, in New York, in his arms, disclosing her fears to him.

Surprising him, she smiled. It was small and hesitant, but it was there. "I know. I missed you the whole time I was gone, and I hated that you weren't there with me. I couldn't get a hold of you, and then after a day in Hawaii I finally allowed myself to listen to all the messages you left for me and I..." She shook her head as tears welled in her eyes. "I realized how stupid I was being and I got on a plane."

"It wasn't stupid."

"It was."

"Meredith-" He was cut off when her fingers came down against his lips.

"Just...let me get this out." She cocked her head and bit down momentarily against her lower lip. "I remembered, back right before Denny died, when Izzy said she would rather be running towards someone than away. And I realized that no matter how scared I was, and how impossible everything seemed, I would rather be scared and with you, than be scared and away from you, because you... You can make the fear go away."

Derek smiled as he felt tears well in his own eyes. "Did you practice that?"

She almost laughed. "I spent more than twenty-four hours travelling to get here. I had a lot of time to come up with something to say."