Miss Miller

chapter 9

WARNING 18+

I never mentioned before but I go to therapy once a week. I haven't been in a couple of weeks. Since meeting Lou actually. I have an appointment at 12pm today. The session is 40minutes long. It's across town so takes about an hour to get there due to traffic. I text Lou to tell her I hope she's having a good day. I'm still thinking of that kiss we had. I can still feel her lips on mine.

I arrive to my appointment with 15minutes to spare. so I grab a coffee before I go in. I'm greeted by my therapist Susan at her office door. She invites me in.

We both take a seat.

"How have you been?"

"I've been okay" I'm hesitant to tell her about Lou.

I look down at my hands then back up "I met someone" 

She looks pleased "do tell me more" she sits crossed legged across from me on the other chair

"We aren't together, we are friends...for now anyway"

"There's no need to rush things, if that's what you want"

"I'm just confused, I've never had feelings for a girl before" I smile "but no one has made me feel this way before, she's all I think about...shes all I see"

"She?" She questions "I'm happy you are exploring your sexuality, it's a confusing time being your age and finding out new things about yourself"

"I think I always knew in a way but I was denial, she's help me realise that"

She starts writing on her notepad.

"How has your flashbacks been?"

"Uh...I've not had as many the past couple of weeks but when I have Its been the same one a couple of times"

"Which one is that"

"Just about my dad..."

"Do you know what causes these flashbacks"

"The arm I broke started to hurt yesterday, the memory of him breaking it flashed before my eyes"

"You know he can't hurt you again...right?"

"Thats a hard one to believe"

"Why do you say that"

"Because he's came back before, everytime he does...its always worse than before"

She smiles "but he's in prison, he's not getting out...he wasn't in prison all those other times but its okay not to accept that yet"

she decides to end the session. I'm seeing her again next week. I always feel tired after therapy, it drains me having to speak about the things I don't want to speak about. I wish I could talk about the pain without ripping the wounds open all over again. I decide to phone Lou.

"Hey honey, everything okay" she answers on the first ring.

"Yeah, sorry I was in a therapy session"

"You go to therapy" she sounds surprised

"Yeah..."

"Are you going home?"

"Yeah...I'm not feeling great after that, will probably have a sleep when I get back"

"Okay, love. I'll speak to you later...okay" she sounds concerned

"Yeah I'll phone you later"

I decide to get a cab home since I don't want to sit for ages on the bus. I get home to an empty apartment once again. Jess must still be at uni. I make my way to my bedroom and flop my body down onto my bed. I take my cloths off so that I'm only in my underwear. I climb under the covers, pulling them right up to my chin. I close my eyes and fall into a deep sleep.