Where You Belong

41

Derek shook his head. He had gone into work fearing for his first patient of the day; a young man with a malignant brain tumour they had barely caught in time. "No, he made it through surgery well. One round of chemo should be enough."

"That's great, Derek."

He nodded his agreement.

"So, then why are you all dark and twisty?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Dark and twisty?"

A giggle escaped her lips as she nodded.

He sighed heavily. "Mark and Addison."

Her expression softened and she met his eyes, her hand moving from the back of his head to his cheek. "Mark still stalking you?"

"Yeah. And I was dealing with it, but..." He trailed off and sighed again. "Addison chose today to tell me that that one night with Mark wasn't just one night."

A small gasp left her lips. "Oh, Derek..."

"She said she was in love with him, and that after I left they lived together for months."

"Was...was the time you caught them the first time?" She asked cautiously.

He paused for a moment, going over his earlier conversation with his ex-wife. "I...I think so. Maybe. But...I don't really know anymore." He scoffed, suddenly overwhelmed with anger. "The only reason she ever came to Seattle to get me back was because she caught him with someone else. And I know I shouldn't care. I know it's over. I know I'm better off now, but...but..." He trailed off as the anger morphed into sadness. For a moment it didn't matter that his ex-wife and his ex-best friend's actions had led to him finding the love of his life. For a moment all that mattered, all that he could comprehend, was just how badly he had failed.

"Derek..." She whispered. And then she was shifting beside him and her arms were around him, pulling him close. "You're allowed to care. I'm so sorry."

His mind was screaming at him to pull away, to not cry, and to not destroy her image of him as being perfectly strong. But, as his arms found her small body and his hands found fistfuls of her shirt and his breathing hitched in his chest, he wondered if maybe it was his image of himself that he was trying to preserve. "I just...I thought...but now..." It disheartened him that he couldn't string together more than a couple words. He opened his mouth to try again, but all that came out was a sob.

Meredith held him, silent and comforting, for several moments, letting him calm himself before she finally spoke. "It wasn't your fault, Derek," she told him, and the tone of her voice alone made him want to believe it. "What they did to you, both of them, was not your fault. Even if your marriage wasn't what it should be, that was no excuse for them. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I wasn't there enough," he countered, unable to control the emotional waver in his tone. "I was absent. She told me, and I know I was."

Meredith pulled back suddenly, her eyes fierce as she met his. "So? You were absent. Big deal. It takes two to let a marriage fall apart, Derek. Not just you. And maybe you were equally at fault for your marriage not being what it should, but she chose to jump into bed with Mark. And that was not your fault."

He found himself nodding along to her words, taken by the intensity of her gaze.

"She chose to do what she did," Meredith repeated. "So, she made her own bed, or whatever."

Derek couldn't help the hint of a smile that took over his lips at her attempt to use a well-known saying, but the smile was short lived. "She cheated on me, and then she lived with him for months. And then, when he cheated on her, she followed me here and tried to get me back, after I had just gotten my life sorted out again. What kind of a person does that?"