Welcome to Underland

Difficult Times

I push him away from me only causing myself to fall and hurt my hip. I let out a whimper of pain causing him to smile, he's always liked my pain. He raises his hand "I told you to stop wearing those stupid things, now you get the consequences" I see his hand racing towards me and I jump.

I sit up in bed breathing unevenly as I try to calm myself down. Dreams aren't real, it's fine. I shake my head as I take a mental inventory of my body. Shoulders - kind of achey but fine, I can deal with it. Knees - better than usual but the braces will be needed as usual. Elbows - much better today though a bit stiff. Ankles - kind of sore since I keep rolling them but haven't gotten good braces for them yet so nothing I can do. Wrists - sore but manageable, I'll bring my braces with me to work. Neck - stiff as hell but fine. Back - sore as usual, spa appointment needs to be booked soon. Hips - not good, not good at all, one is worse than the other so my cane should work for today, I'm not using the crutches, they'll just make my shoulders worse. Cane it is.

I stretch as I check the time, 8am, and see I've an hour before work, so half an hour to get ready. That's doable if I skip breakfast. Getting up I breathe deeply before getting up and ready. I'm dressed with my knees braced under my trousers within 20 minutes. Many sitting breaks were taken in between doing little bits. I make my way to the kitchen and grab a bottle of VitHit from the fridge and take down my tablet dispenser before taking my morning doses. I do a double take when I see tablets from last night there. No wonder I'm so groggy today and slept terribly last night. I shake my head as I tidy everything up. I gather my work bag, double checking I have everything before heading for the door and grabbing my cane from beside it. I won't use the cane until I get out the building so my neighbour can't complain.

I'm barely halfway down the hallway when I hear a scoff. "Of course, you were faking it. You don't even need it and are using it for show. Fucking attention seeker" I hear my neighbour say as he comes up behind me and grab my cane I'd been holding my side out of my hand. "Hey I need that give it back" I say angrily, he's gonna make me late for work and he has no right to make assumptions about me. "Nope, idiot. Weak little boy. You don't look like you've an ounce of muscle on you only fat, maybe if you walk properly and don't pretend to be crippled you'd be skinnier. Let me help you with that" he smirks and quickly opens the buildings garbage disposal and throws my cane into it. "WHAT THE HELL YOU ASSHOLE. I NEED THAT" I yell at him. He looks shocked before bringing his face back to the unbothered smirk "well that's tough the garbage van should be picking up the rubbish in about 1 minute if I remember correctly, and I do, so unless they're late, which they never are, you could go try get it" he shrugs before shoving me to the ground and walking by me.

I stand up and grimace at the pain. Glancing at my watch I see I've got time to run down to the garbage before work. I race to the lift, and go down to the floor under the carpark arriving just in time to see the garbage truck drive away. I almost scream in frustration before running to the bins to see them completely empty. While I want to have a meltdown I don't have time so I make my way back to my apartment and grab my dreaded crutches using them to support my aching body on the trip to work.

Such a little asshole. Yeah I'm not strong but that's because I can't workout without supervision, yeah I'm fat but I'm trying to lose weight. Yeah I'm a cripple, but there's nothing I can do about it. I want to mope believe me but I can't otherwise life will go on and leave me behind. I'm aware I'm a stupid, weak, fat, ugly, useless, cripple but telling me I'm faking my illness just riles me up.

I'm fuming the entire way to work, the crutches only slowing me down due to infrequent use. At least I don't have any meetings today, I only need to read the manuscript and take notes and all that jazz, maybe email a few people and start a few other manuscripts if I've got time. Work flies by with me reading and taking notes, only stopping to change manuscript. I read and edit three manuscripts and four articles emailing all the authors the notes before signing off for the day. It's only when I get outside of the building that I realise I'm leaving much later than I thought, I glance at the clock, 10pm. Shit.