Where You Belong

2

The elevator beeped to announce its arrival on their floor, and Derek motioned for Bailey to enter before following her. Derek had been a surgeon for a long time. He had given a lot of bad news, had consoled an infinite number of family members on the death of a loved one. This particular incident shouldn't be affecting him so strongly. But it was. Consoling Danny on the death of his fiancée had taken more out of Derek than he had expected. Bonnie's death had taken much out on him.

The pain and stress of the day welled up in his mind and his breathing wavered. He wasn't one to cry. He wasn't going to cry. Not in front of Bailey. His breathing hitched noticeably. He blinked furiously. Not in front of Bailey.

However, nothing got by Miranda Bailey, and she silently stepped forward, engaging the emergency stop of the elevator. Although embarrassed, Derek was thankful, turning to the back corner of the car for as much privacy as he could get. He leaned a hand up against the wall and took several deep, shuddering breaths.

The stress of the past weeks, months really, combined with the day's events were simply too much to handle. From catching his wife and his best friend together, to meeting Meredith, to the stress of not telling her about Addison and knowing he needed to, to Addison showing up and the pressure to chose. He felt immensely guilty for 'giving up' on his marriage, even though Addison had basically put herself in this situation when she chose to sleep with Mark.

Their talk the night before had been painful. But he had to do it before meeting Meredith. After eleven years of marriage, he owed her as much. She had cried. Hell, he had cried. However, even after the time he had wavered between his heart and his head, he knew he had made the right decision without a doubt in his mind. He had known the moment he had watched Meredith, IV pole and banana bag still attached, stand in the hall in front of himself and Bailey, trying to convince them she was sober. He could still picture the adorable, obviously still somewhat intoxicated, way she had stood with her upper arms out, bending at the elbows as she touched her nose and then straightened her arms several times. He had made the right decision.

He had definitely made the right decision.

But it didn't mean it hadn't been a painful decision.

He turned back to face the front of the car, stepping up to stand beside Bailey.

"You okay now?" She asked, already reaching to restart their ascent.

He nodded. "Yeah, thanks." He replied, truly thankful to her. She could come off as cold and uncaring, but few were truly as compassionate as Miranda Bailey. They reached their floor and Derek took a breath, following Bailey into the hallway, but turning the opposite way. He glanced at his watch. He needed to catch Meredith before rounds started. Making a beeline towards the intern locker room, Derek was unsurprised to find her hunched over, exhausted, on the bench between the lockers, Izzy and George flanking her. He wasn't sure which one of the three roommates were holding up who.

She looked up to the sound of the door opening and he was rewarded with a small, tired smile. But a smile all the same. It made his heart lurch.

"Hey," he said softly, gaining the attention of her roommates.

"Hey," she answered softly.

"Can we..." He motioned to the door, and she nodded, silently following him out of the locker room and into the hall. He led her down the hall to the nearest on call room, which was, thankfully, unoccupied. He guided her in with one hand behind her back, while pulling the door shut behind him with the other.

"So..." She offered as she turned to face him.

He paused, unable to find the words to explain anything to her. Unable to find any words. And he needed words; lots of words. He had so much to explain, so much to make her understand, so much to apologize for.

She noticed his hesitation, tilting her head just so as she took in his strange behaviour. "Are you okay?" Her voice was quiet and concerned.

He breathed out hard, and nodded at her. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just- I... Can I just...?" He opened his arms slightly and she nodded, stepping close to him, reaching her arms up around his neck. He closed his arms around her small frame and rested his face in the crook of her neck and shoulder, breathing hard. He couldn't stop the tears from overflowing his eyes. He hated that he was crying in front of her, but he couldn't stop. He just needed to be close to her right now. He tightened his arms around her, trying to be as close as he could. In response, she tightened her arms around his neck, resting her head down by his neck and shoulder, mirroring his position. And he was suddenly aware of dampness pooling by her face. She was crying to.

After several long moments, he pulled back, just far enough to look her in the eyes. Leaving his left arm around her waist, he wiped the back of his right hand across his face, trying to remove traces of tears on his cheeks. He then reached forward, tenderly wiping his thumb under her eyes to remove the moisture.

"Well, we make quite a pair, down we?" He joked, trying to lighten the mood.

She laughed quietly, her hands still resting behind his neck. "Thank-you," she whispered.

He tilted his head. "For what?"

"For picking me."

"Oh, Mer, don't thank me. It wasn't even a decision, really. I'm so sorry I put you through all of that. I'm sorry I didn't sign the papers right away. I was stupid not to."

"Derek..."

He smiled the proven McDreamy smile. "I'm sorry, Meredith. You deserve so much better. And I promise I will make it up to you."

She smiled back. "Okay," she whispered before pulling his head down to meet his lips with hers.

Derek melted into the kiss, replacing his right arm around her waist and holding on tight.

She deepened the kiss, her hands rising up and his fingers threaded through his thick hair. She stepped back, pulling him with her towards the bed. Derek responded eagerly by sitting down onto the bed and pulling her down beside him. She leaned back and he support her descent as he stayed close, coming to rest on top of her before he realized what was happening.

He pulled back. "Meredith." He pecked her on the lips. "We need..." Peck. "To stop." One last short kiss.

She was confused, her grey eyes questioning him as she stared upwards, trusting.

He smiled and sat up. She followed suit. He turned to face her as best he could, and took each of her small hands in his larger ones.

"Meredith," he started. "I'm technically still married. And I can't continue this..." he motioned to the two of them, "until I get divorced. You and me? We aren't an affair. You deserve better than that. I owe it to you, and Addison, to finalize the divorce before we continue this."

She smiled at him, tears welling in her eyes, but not spilling down her cheeks. She squeezed his hands. "Thank-you," she whispered. "You don't know how much it means to me to hear that."

He nodded. "Yeah, I think I do. If it means half as much as what it means to finally say it, then I know."

They smiled at each other for several moments, happy for the time being to simply be together.

"Okay," Derek said, standing up, and pulling her up beside him. "Are you working today?"

Meredith sighed and nodded. "Of course," she said, sarcastically. "Thirty hour shift, followed by an overnight train disaster. No problem following it up with another shift."

He smirked. "Well, I'm off."

She mock-glared at him. "Of course you are."

He squeezed her hand. "Addison and I are going to try to see if we can get in to see a lawyer today. There are a few changes we need to make on the forms. Then we'll be free; good to go."

"Good to go," she repeated quietly.

"Yeah," was all he could say as he stared into her eyes.

She smiled back. "I can't believe this is really happening," she admitted.

"Believe it," he told her, leaning in to place a kiss on her forehead. "I'll call you, let you know," he said.

"Okay. Talk to you soon?"

He smiled. "Absolutely."