Swallow

Chapter 1.83:

I couldn't do anything right by her—no matter how hard I tried.

It sucked always feeling like a fucking failure.

The constant buzzing sound of people talking around me was becoming too overwhelming.  Everything anyone did grated against my nerves. Brynn and Aiden were the worst.  During the day, they would find a way to whisper Riley's name to each other just loud enough for me to hear and then look over to see how I would react. Then, they would close Aiden's door at night and scream at each other. 

Those two alone were killing my high—which was the only thing keeping me standing.

JD was tiptoeing around me too.  I wasn't sure if he suspected something was going on between Riley and me, but he was treating me with kid gloves like I was going to blow up any second.

To be honest, I was close.

The second Riley shut me out, I had lost everything—even my motivation to play my guitar.  I started skipping band practice and wanted nothing to do with music.

The only thing I had to fill the void were the drugs, which still didn't ever seem to be enough.

When I pulled around the side of the house, I saw the tips of large flames blazing just over the side of a hill.  I placed my car in park next to a line of cars I didn't recognize.

I climbed out of my car when I spotted Aiden's close to the house.  I wasn't thrilled to see him, but at least I knew I had found the right place.

But it wasn't really the right place—this wasn't where I should be.

There were too many people here and I didn't want to be around any of them. I turned around in the long driveway getting ready to get back inside my car to leave.

"Hey, man. Glad you came." JD's voice echoed behind me.  When I spun around, he jogged up to me and pulled me into an awkward one-armed side hug. 

"Uh, yeah.  Work was slow. We got out early." I lied and pulled away.

"Figures, come on.  Let's get you a drink." JD motioned for me to follow him down the hill. 

We walked in silence towards a table about a hundred feet away from the crackling fire.  The table was covered with cups, an ice bucket with beer, and various bottles, alongside copious amounts of mixers.  They weren't joking when they said they went all out for tonight.

Too bad their idea of a party didn't include a bowl of colored candy to dip my hands into.  A pharm party heavy on Benzos would have fit my dark mood much better.

I settled for the nearest bottle of whiskey. I grabbed a red plastic cup off the stack and poured it half full.  The liquid burned my esophagus the second I guzzled it back.  Once it was empty, I dumped in another half cup's worth for a refill.

"Damn, you might as well just chug the bottle." JD laughed and smacked me on the back.

"Don't tempt me." I raised my eyebrow and took another sip.

Mark and a few random people made some small talk for a bit around me until JD excitedly suggested that we go check out the fire. JD mentioned something about getting the fire really going before it got any colder. He also took the opportunity to brag about his expert marshmallow roasting skills. 

We strolled over to the fire, with him yapping on about burning the fluffy sugar until it was crispy on the outside. Right when we got close to the flames, I finally saw her. 

I was going to collapse and die.

I didn't expect Riley to show up tonight. My vision blurred with shock and confusion at seeing her here.