Swallow

Chapter 1.69:

I barely held on for the first week while I waited for Riley to decide if she wanted to give me another chance. Every day was longer than the next and became too much to bear. I could barely get out of bed to function in the real world.

By the end of the second week, I had abandoned all hope for a reconciliation between us. This morning I finally had enough. I woke up and decided to pack my bags to move into a cheap motel until I figured out my next move. I would let JD know after he got back from his trip with Anna that I was putting in my notice—I was quitting work, the band, and our friendship.

It wasn't going to be much of a warning and JD was going to be blindsided by it, but I was out of options. I was going to just tell him I was out and leave. He wouldn't even get a chance to try to lure me back in with his salesmanship.

I was done. No one would ever see me again.

Sean stopped by work yesterday and I told him what was going on. I didn't have anyone else to talk to about Riley, except for Brynn. She would only listen to me to use it as an excuse to try to get more attention for herself. She was enjoying having the spotlight at the house and was acting like an understudy who got called up for her big debut. It felt like that one movie Mark made me watch when I first moved in. It was about two girls who moved into an apartment together and the one tried to take over the other's identity. I didn't remember the movie's name, but it might as well have been written by someone who knew Brynn and Riley.

Sean was genuinely sympathetic about my situation and offered to give me a place to crash if I needed one. Even though I appreciated his offer, his place would still put me way too close to my memories of Riley. I was either going to have to move back home or find another state to live in. Ohio didn't have anything left for me if I didn't have her.

I had to admit I mulled over Sean's offer as a short-term solution, but his place wasn't the ideal environment for someone with my history. Sean dealt a little on the side and always had an ample supply at his disposal. I was already teetering on the brink of a relapse and burying myself in my own self-loathing hatred. Living with him would nudge me off the cliff.

The motel was my only real solution.

I was shoving the hidden pill bottles from my room into my bag along with some of my clothes when my phone rang. The only person who even called me anymore was my mom. I thought about ignoring her, but Mom's voice had been growing more concerned on the messages she left as each day passed.

I should probably answer it before she called the cops for a wellness check.

I let out a frustrated groan and walked over to my bed to pick up the phone. My hands lost all strength and I fumbled around to catch the falling phone when I saw the one name I didn't expect to see on the screen.

It couldn't be her. I had officially gone insane.

"Riley?" I questioned as soon as I could get the phone against my ear.

"Can-we-talk?" She rushed the sentence out like one long word.

Fuck, this wasn't going to be good.

Riley was ready to tell me that she wasn't going to come back to me and that it was over. It was something I needed to hear to try to let go, but no part of me wanted it. I would never have any closure over losing this girl. Memories of her would haunt me until the day I died.

"Uh, yeah," I mumbled as I began to choke up.

"Do you want to meet up somewhere?" She nervously asked.

It would be so much worse for me to have this conversation face to face. Meeting in public was not a good idea since I had no idea how my body would react when she said she was done with me. This conversation had to happen where no one else could watch me fall on my knees and beg for her to stay.