Swallow

Chapter 1.64:

I can clearly remember the day I discovered my love for music.

It wasn't the same way that most people found their meaning in life, but it was mine.

About two years before he left us, my dad was sitting on the couch playing his guitar while my mom worked double shifts to keep a roof over our heads.  I never got to see my dad play very often because he was usually too high to pick it up, but that day was different for some unknown reason. 

He decided he was going to play for me.

The way my dad's large hands slid over the strings intrigued me and I found myself sitting on the floor in front of him so that I could watch the way they danced.  It was as if the guitar was a part of him.  He played each note like it was precious as he smiled down at me and hummed sweetly to the melody. 

That was the only time in my life I ever remember him being happy.

He paused his playing in the middle of the song and sat the guitar down next to his feet. His whole body leaned forward as he picked up a glass pipe from the table and placed the end between his lips. He leaned back against the worn cushions and dug around in his pocket until he found a silver-plated lighter. His finger flicked the striker and he held it up to light the round, charred bubble at the end.  The flames flickered around the glass as he held the lighter under it and began sucking in hit after hit.

While he was distracted, I timidly reached my shaking hand towards the light oak acoustic. I wanted to know what it felt like to touch the nylon strings and play them the same way he did. If I could bend them to my will like he could and play the same song, then maybe my dad would smile at me again. He would get better and not be so angry all the time.  I could show him I could be good too and he would stop hurting my mom.

I ran my small thumb across the strings all at once and a loud, tinny sound echoed through the room.  Dad jumped up and screamed out in pain. The sudden burst of sound that my hands created for him had caused him to burn his mouth on the pipe. He cursed and picked me up by the front of my shirt to shake me.

I wasn't scared of him this time because the music notes were still surrounding me. I could hide away in them until the world wasn't such a scary place.

In brief moment that my finger touched the strings, I knew playing music was what I was meant to do and it was all I would ever think about. It didn't even hurt me when the asshole backhanded me across the face for touching his things without permission.

Now, Riley's punches were a different story. Those stung like a bitch.

Even with the buzz of the alcohol and pure adrenaline thundering through my veins, the wild girl was tearing up my back as I carried her out the side entrance of Bannon's. It wasn't so much the force she struck me with that was affecting me— the pain was stemming the fact that Riley had drilled me the same spot at least a hundred thousand times in under a minute.

It was no wonder Mia didn't stand a chance against her.

Riley continued beating my back black and blue as I carried her into the alley. She bashed that same damn spot just above my kidneys again and the burn became too much to bear.  I dropped the irrational girl to the ground before she could do any permanent damage to my body. 

The fighter inside me was attempting to push his way through the weak barrier that I was struggling to hold up.  He wanted out of his cage to put a quick end to this shit show Riley had created. I lowered my head to scold the furious girl who was preparing to climb to her feet to go another round. 

If she kept pushing me tonight, there was no guarantee I could keep myself under control. My dad's voice started echoing in the back of my head as he tried to take over my body.  He wanted me to take care of her like he took care of my mom when she stood up to him.