Legend of Zelda Chats (Mostly BoTW)

the Death of Revali

 Revali: So uh where's Veiled Falls?

Mipha: Rightttt there

Revali: Okay. So How do I dive?

Mipha's brain: is this man serious

Mipha: So uh you put your hands together in front of your head and stack them together like a pancake. And then you try to pinch your ears and put them in front of you like you're trying to cosplay as an arrow, then jump and try to enter the water wuth your hands first, hips, and then feet. Also, this is the most IMPORTANT PART TO EXHALE-

Revali: yeah I think I got it?

Also Revali: *bellyflop*

Daruk: ooh...

Mipha: I swear to Hylia I'm gonna walk into rito village one day to find out they made another memorial for you. 

Link: enough with all the memorials we probably set a world record

Link: Ah yes for once I don't have to cook! Revali remember all 592 guests!

Revali: what if I can't cook?

Link: what if I didn't ask

Revali: *shuts up*

Link: well Revali you better GET THE HELL OVER HERE NOW

Revali: okay for the love of Hylia calm down

Revali: here...

Revali's mind: I just flew through a blizzard, attacked by a whole elite clan of octorocks, almost snapped my left wing, fell into mud, was harassed by a great fairy, stopped by the royal guards 20 times!!!!!! This asinine stupid hero IS SO SO BAD!

Link: So let's see, make for appetizers make glazed meat, meat skewers, copious skewers, fried greens, fried egg and rice,-

Revali: I'll just cook what the kitchen has

Link: Don't be scared of the fridge

Revali: *opens door* WAIT WHAT-

Fridge: What shall be your assistance today? The royal dinner is in 1 hour, 42 minutes, and 64 seconds. 592 guests are joining and the maids are currently cleaning the tables. I have 73 Hylian Rice in stock, 81 eggs,and 40 acorns. You could make some plates of fried egg or would you like other suggestions? Also, judging by your fingerprint, you are not Link. Do you need cooking assistance? Press 6 if needed. Press 8 to dismiss message. press 7 for more suggestions. Press 3 to select materials.

Revali:Uh. Where does this food come from

Link: From me*shows that inventory is empty* I catch everything and give it to the fridge. Robbie helped me make the fridge. I was so sad when it broke the the stupid fridge girl had to fix it

Revali: Interesting...

Revali: *presses 6*

Revali: *a meal is set on the table*

Revali: CALL ROBBIE

Robbie: Yeah? Did ya find my ?fridge?

Revali: Yes i did. 

Robbie: It's great isn't it!

Revali: YESS THANK YOOU GOGGLE GUY

Robbie leaves

Link: Revali this is splendid! This is almost as good as my cooking? How did you make this?

Revali: Eh, well I got SOME help. But yeah, I, the Great Revali as a pro at this, just like when it comes to everything else. There's not anything I'm not good at! That question is just asinine. Why do you even need to ask a question you already know the answ-

Mipha: OKAY let's sit down!

Revali: Stupid asinine Champion

592 guests are here

Link: Let's eat!

King Rhoam: Ah finally, why does the food have a weird taste to it, it's delicious, but why? Link what did you do different?

Link's mind: Bossy king

Link: Ah, Revali made it

Revali: I used a different cooking pot...

King Rhoam: Rly? The one Link uses all the time is Pot 1943

Revali: Uh yeah, I used Pot 2952

King Rhoam: No wonder. That's the one that hasn't been cleaned in 8 weeks.

Link: REVALI! *kicks leg from under table*

Table: *thud*

Guest 1: Did you hear that?

Guest 2: *eating*

Guest3 : Oh Tisha, I'm sure it was nothing! Mmmh Master Link is so handsome~

Link: *turns around*

Half of the Guests: *faints*

Zelda: Yes, this happens all the time

Urbosa: Yeah its normal

Revali: mm hm

Link: Don't even think about it

Daruk: Everyday thing

Mipha: It's fine

the other half of the guests: *leaves*

King Rhoam: Revali! We need to have a talk

King Rhoam: Also Champions, I appreciate your help for Hyrule, but clean up the table. 

Mipha: Excuse me?

King Rhoam: *walls away*

Revali: The life of him

and part 2 is coming out shortly! (pleh prob not) sorry i had to CHOKE out a chap...

dares and ideas are always appreciated, and cia!