Broken Fairy Tales

21

I could hear Ash calling to me. She sounded scared. I'd never heard her voice like this, so scared and so far away but her words were bringing me closer to her. I felt a slight tingle on my skin, so soft, like it was barely there.

I opened my eyes to Ash's beautiful face, emerald eyes red and puffy, tears covering her cheeks, her voice hoarse like she had been screaming and strained it from the exertion. We were in the room we were staying in at Laurel's palace. We were alone as she sat astride me on the bed. My chest was sore, like I had been struck by something heavy. Or as I looked down, like I had been hit repeatedly by small hands trying to rouse me.

I went looking for my tie to Rin, my bond to Ash. But Rin was gone, along with all the gifts his soul had shared with me. I could still sense Ash. But she was muted, like someone had turned down the color and contrast. Even the familiar static tingles of our bond was weaker now. Only possible because her bond on me was intact.

Ash started sobbing. Heavy choked sounds, her anguish obvious even if I couldn't clearly sense it anymore. "Are you OK?" I asked with a raspy voice, "Did it work?" Ash nodded her head, still sobbing, unable to speak.

Her breath hitched in her throat as she tried to pull herself together. "I'm sorry." her words a broken stutter as she looked away from me.

I realized I was naked in the bed, I looked down towards my ribs, my familiar flower tattoos had company, a realistic perfect rendition of Rin, his brown eyes and shaggy grey fur now stood proud behind the lily and morning glory. Symbols of the scars on my heart all together.

"I killed Rin." her voice barely a whisper as I felt the guilt flood her heart. I was frozen unable to tell her it was OK, that Rin had returned to our Goddess, his goddess willingly. That we knew the price we were going to pay to help the dragons.

"I still have you." I said, sitting up and holding her on my lap. Trying to comfort her, knowing she had to face this guilt alone for now. She sobbed even harder in my arms while I tried to comfort her, willing my heart to radiate to her that she was enough.

Ash sobbed in my arms until she fell into an exhausted and fitful sleep. I drew her up, moving her to lay on the pillows with me. I wasn't as strong as I had been, she felt heavier in my arms. I tucked us in, before going to check in with Rin in my mind. Forgetting he was gone, that our sacrifice is why I felt different now. While Ash slept uneasily in my arms, I let hot tears silently trail down my face, into her hair and the pillow. Eventually joining her in a restless sleep. My dreams filled with dragons and wolves, running and flying free under a moonlit sky.

I woke up the next morning, Ash was awake beside me. She was anything but OK and I was worried. She lay still on her side, eyes looking forward but not seeing anything. I tried to speak to her, but she would only nod or shake her head in response. Until Frezia pushed her way into my head, telling me I should go get breakfast. Ash was safe here.

I didn't want to leave her alone for a moment, but I hadn't eaten since the previous morning, and Ash wasn't up to conjuring a breakfast for us. I got up, letting her know I would be back with some food. I got dressed in jeans and shirt, both fit better and felt better on my skin than any clothes I had ever bought myself. The halls and home were oddly quiet. Like everyone had gone somewhere else.

I made my way to the kitchen to find Laurel baking muffins, alone. She had just filled the last paper liner with batter and looked my way, wishing me a good morning as she slid the muffin tray into one of the ovens. For the single tray of muffins she had baked, the kitchen looked like a tornado had blown through "Coffee?" she offered, raising the karaff that I knew I should have been able to smell strongly, but it was barely there in my nose at all.

I nodded, grabbing us both mugs from the cupboard since I was closer. Before joining her at the kitchen bar to wait for her muffins to bake while we sipped the coffee in silence together. "I'm not a very good baker, the muffins might turn out like rocks" she said making a slight smile before sipping her coffee. Avoiding talking about the several dragon sized glowing pink elephants in the room. Letting me drink the coffee, make toast and sit back down in a not uncomfortable silence.

I had seen my mom how Ash was right now. The year leading to when she killed herself she had spent more and more time in her bed. Unable to get up or function. It had been scary then, I hadn't known what to do. I knew what to do now, I just had to take care of her. Somehow, without family, money, or whatever it was Fae ran on, and no magic. Laurel put a fresh blueberry muffin in front of me, the sound of the plate hitting the stone counter attracting my focus and away from my brief dance with a spiral downwards.

I started to eat, thanking Laurel. She was right she wasn't a very good baker, or maybe my sense of taste was just off. I thanked her anyway and said it was delicious. "I already know you're not okay, but really, how are you?" Laurel asked me, she looked so weak, I really felt like I should be asking her the same question.

She noticed I was looking at her a little too close before I answered. The silence too long. "I'm not ok either, but I think I will be again." She said.

"I am fine. But Ash, I" I stopped, unable to say anything else.

Laurel nodded, like she understood more than she was saying. "I'm going back home, the dragons have either come with me to earth, or gone to places they once knew. None are looking for a leader. They just want to try and live. You and Ash can stay here as long as you need, Thistle will take care of getting anything you want, and if you want to come visit the other world, my gate is open to you." Laurel said, getting up, dropping her barely eaten muffin in the trash before dumping the rest of the muffins in the bin as well. "You're a bad liar, and she can read your mind, listen to your heart. You know what to do." She turned and headed down a hallway I hadn't traveled, likely home to her mates. Leaving Ash and I here, with servants to help take care of us.

I wished I was better with words. That I had managed to say thank you before Laurel had walked on swift feet far away from the kitchen. I felt like she would forgive me for my manners being a little off this morning. I made a small snack plate for Ash, tiny bite size cubes of cheese from the fridge, some fruit and berries, toast on soft, fresh bread. I wasn't sure how she liked it, I thought I had seen jam on the slices she popped into existence moments before she ate them. I loaded a few options of spreads onto a tray, along with a glass of juice with a straw,

I carried the tray to our room, setting it down on a small table. Kneeling on the floor beside the bed. Ash hadn't moved. Not even a little bit. "Ash you need to eat, please?" for me. I added in my head. Memories of my childhood rushing up. Making Ash's eyes move, to focus on me, her eyes going wide as she sat up on the bed, pushing the pillows up so she could sit up straighter. Still under the covers, her eyes, didn't sparkle. They looked hollow and empty, but she had sat up. I brought over the cheese plate and the glass of juice, setting the glass on the table on her side, while I sat on the other side of the bed, close beside her.

Eating some of the small finger foods myself, feeding some to her making sure she ate enough to count as a meal. I didn't know much about magic, but I had a feeling she was drained from the exertion and the emotions. Nothing was ever easier on an empty stomach, so he was going to make sure she ate, that she drank water, or juice or something liquid to keep her going.

Just like she had taken care of me when I was frozen half to death and more than ready to die. "I love you." I said as she leaned back into me, she wasn't looking at me, couldn't look at me.

"It was supposed to be my price." Ash said. Flicking her hand, starting to clean up the room before everything froze or fell to the ground making more of a mess. "It was supposed to be my price." Quieter this time, she looked at her hands that had been guiding her chaos magic to clean the room like they were dangerous weapons on the ends of her arms.

I couldn't tell her what I wanted to say. So I just kept repeating the truest thing I could say. "I love you." Over and over, endlessly as she tried to get me to blame her, to be mad, to fight. It didn't matter what she said to me as she tried to fight whatever internal struggle she didn't want to face. I was going to be here, doing whatever I could to support her.