Broken Fairy Tales

3

Wake up or die a sad frozen popsicle. I heard Rin say in my head, it almost seemed like he would welcome it if I choose death. He at least would be welcomed home, to rest and recharge until it was time for him to rejoin the pattern of life once more.

I knew there wasn't going to be any more peace for me in death than I had now. Not after what I did. I didn't understand why I was so cold, was this how it felt to die? I questioned, wondering if it was already too late.

I had been on my bike, I didn't feel it anymore, I was face down, and cold, and wet. I forced my eyes open, my head feeling like it was spitting itself in half as I realised I was lying in snow. Deep snow, snow so deep I knew I would have to dig down to even find the earth underneath me. I pushed myself up, palms sinking into the snow as my body heat melted the frozen water down. I got to my feet, my boots were still on, but my helmet was gone. The denim jacket I was wearing over my t shirt wasn't doing shit to hold in my body heat against the icy wind that circled around me.

The air smelled wrong, felt wrong. I was deep in a mountain range, and it wasn't the one I had been heading for. What. The. Fuck. A chant in my head as I stared dumbly ahead of me, eyes unfocused as my brain tried to make sense of what was happening. Breathe. Rin said, almost patiently. Like he used to talk to me when the panic attacks had started. Slowly he coaxed me to breathe in and out in a regular pattern, slowing my racing heart enough for my chest to stop feeling tight.

Fae. We are in Fae. In the Mountains. Rin was speaking in my head, like he was talking to himself, but I knew he was only bothering for my benefit. East. safety is to the east. We should seek shelter and figure out which way is east.

One step at a time. Yes. Shelter. Then direction. We're not dead yet, and would currently prefer to stay that way instead of freezing to death. I wrapped my arms around myself and began to trudge through the crusty snow towards the nearest cliff face, hoping to follow it to find a hollow or maybe even a cave. My dirty blonde hair had grown longer than I liked, and was just long enough to be whipped by the winds into my eyes making the already arduous walk more unpleasant.

Where's the bike? I asked in my head, wondering if Rin would keep talking to me. He didn't. But I was able to sense that he was also perplexed. I even missed the helmet that smelled too strongly of my sweat from being worn far too long. It would have been able to keep my ears warm, as it was I worried about frostbite. I might be wretched and while not yet ready to die I wasn't far off from welcoming the nothing; I was still currently vain enough to worry about losing my ears. I was already a monster, I didn't need to look like one too.

I had been trudging through the snow, as my shadow began to grow longer and longer ahead of me. East, I was walking away from the sunset, towards sunrise. At least I had accidentally picked the right way with three suns circling the planet in a strange ballet. I kept close to the cliff I had picked, letting it shelter me from the wind slightly from one side.

The sun was low when I came to a juncture. Three trails in front of me, each heading more or less the right way. The longest shadow, from the largest sun stretched almost into the center path. Seemed as good a sign as any right now for what way I should go. Chances were at this point I was going to freeze to death regardless of what I did.

I had been moving one foot in front of their other for hours. I had seen nothing green, no plants, no barren trees. No birds flew overhead on the winds, or chittered overhead as I moved along the cliff. I saw no game, no animals, no trails in the scoured snowscape. I had thought I knew what it was to be alone. I had let myself be alone, apart from other creatures but still amongst them. This was very different.

If I died here, my body would freeze and not even nature would take me into her embrace to build and nourish new life. I would freeze, and remain frozen for all time. I felt a tear slip down my cheek. Freezing almost instantly. Stupid. I was so stupid. This was exactly what I had wanted. What I had wished for.

Careless wishes are indeed a dangerous thing.

That wasn't me. Rin said. Unsure as I felt while he quested out, seeking if there was someone else around us, and the worry he felt when there was nothing he could sense nearby. Obviously it wasn't you, that was a woman. I said, doing my best to keep the sarcasm from my voice, trying to cover the abject fear that was chilling me to my core on top of the weather now.

Fae was where all the nightmares could be real. Where magic was to be assumed instead of wondrous. I had been playing the strong man around humans for years now. Hiding behind the life of a basic grunt for people with far more ambition to their lives than I was capable of anymore. Mostly security for strippers, which wasn't a bad job, girls were friendly to another pretty face, especially when I used my best good boy manners. Strippers loved to be treated like ladies.

As I watched the wind swirl the snow around me, I felt despair fill my heart. This was what I wanted. This was the death I deserved. I resolved to at least try and die on my feet. To keep walking until I collapsed unable to get up and would welcome the void. So I kept walking. Long after all the suns had gone down and the pretty different coloured moons rose overhead in the now clear sky. My breath was voluminous white clouds in front of me as I moved ever forward. I had thought it was cold while the suns were still in the sky. With the clouds cleared, the temperature plummeted in the darkness of night.

I had stopped shivering a while ago, my hands and toes numb as I stumbled along on near frozen feet. When I saw irregular lights flickering up ahead, too low to be stars winking in the sky. As I drew closer it became clear that it was a gate and fence, made out of a strange metal whose smell I didn't know. The snow looked rough around the gate and along the fence. Like it had recently been torn up or something large had moved through here.

I stepped through the open gate, it led into an enclosed open space within the cliffs. The wind sounded overhead, like a large bottle mouth. It was marginally warmer inside the gate than it had been outside. There was a path of lanterns leading towards a castle. A fantastic, Fae castle, with towers that defied gravity, swirling spires and sections that appeared to float as the castle tangled itself together into the sky. It was massive, and while most of the structure looked dark, even against the night sky, several windows glowed brightly.

I didn't care if I died the moment I stepped inside, or if I found shelter. At this point I just didn't want to feel cold anymore.