Switches & Spices

Chapter Thirty Four

TW: Minor Mention of Self-Harm

Why?

I was numb, hollow, empty feeling. It was surreal.

The hold that Mirio had around me, his arm draped seemingly casually over my neck as his cheek pressed to my head, it didn't make me feel like I was safe at all. I was just... Numb. In shock, from how things had taken a turn. From how suddenly I wanted to escape the hold, the negative feeling I had from my former friend, though I couldn't find the will to move as my limbs tingled in numbness.

Eijirou standing there, that friendly grin he wore as he walked in gone, muscles under his black t-shirt tensing. Looking like he was ready to throw a punch for some reason. Why?

And Tamaki... He still wore that same saddened, guilty expression on his face, fingers gripping at the bottom of his fluffy black sweater. Why?

Why was the only word that I could hear, repeating in this frozen brain of mine, 'why'? Over and over, blankly staring up at the two, wings limp behind me, resting against Mirio and Mina's sides.

Why?

"Lemme just scoooooot in here! Izumi, you're up for a tasting, right? Everyone in the Squad gets to choose their own flavor mixes for the Macarons they want special-made on their birthdays! Still need to log yours in. Gotta be a gorgeous blue, just like your eyes! Oh, wouldn't it be cute to have little feathers drawn on the top? I think yes!" Anya? I blinked as the short-haired brunette smiled, weaving her way past Eijirou and Tamaki, cleaning her hands off with a rag. I blinked slowly again, seeing her hand extend once cleaned, blurred vision focusing on it.

It... It looked inviting. It looked warm.

It looked safe.

I didn't even feel my arm move, only seeing my hand resting in hers, the gentlest of squeezes given to complete the nonverbal consent. Mirio's arm tightened for a split-second before it moved away, and I could move. The lightest of tugs brought me up out of my spot, wings snapping against my back automatically to not knock anything over, and Anya pulled me over to her side, giving me another smile and squeezing my hand before dropping it.

"Didn't know she still hadn't done that! We'll catch up after, Zuzu." The hint of disappointment in his tone brought a little feeling back, though it wasn't a positive emotion at all. More self-blame and self-loathing from earlier started to filter in, and I looked back, casting an apologetic glance over my shoulder.

Another thing to stop the reunion... I should've politely told her I'd wait. Just... My lips wouldn't move. Ugh, dizzy. Why was my heart still racing?

"Here, Mirio, you'll need this!" I blinked, the sweet woman stepping in the space between myself and Mirio, the blonde blinking in confusion as he took the proffered cleaning rag from her, frowning.

"Uh... Okay? I need to clean something?"

"Mmhm!"

I swear, it's like it happened in slow-motion.

Anya's hand drifted to the side, catching the lip of my glass that I had moved closer to Mina. A simple twitch of her hand, and the glass careened to the side and tipped over, spilling the sweet drink and remaining ice cubes over the edge of the table, and onto his jean-clad leg that he had stretched out with me moving away. He jumped, yelping a little in surprise at the action and shock of the chilled liquid, leaning forward to get up.

"Shit, cold! Anya, what the-"

"No." That sweet smile was gone from her face, hazel eyes narrowed in a vicious glare, and Mirio flinched back in his seat as her finger was suddenly in his face. A trace of anger that was on his face disappeared, wide-eyed alarm in its place. He shrunk back again as she stepped forward, her shoulders stiff as she scowled at him.