Turning Pages- Carina DeLuca

Livin' On A Prayer

"But it's finally a relief to be able to move on from him?" Carina guessed.

"Yeah, I mean although we couldn't stand to be in the same room with each other, it doesn't erase the good times we had and believe it or not, there were a lot of them. I just feel like I should be more devastated than I am." Andy sighed.

"Grieving doesn't have a right way. There are many ways to deal with grief, and no one can tell you what's right or wrong. Society likes to tell us how we should deal with certain situations when in actuality, no one can tell us how to feel or how to deal with it." Carina whispered as she shut the treadmill off, grabbing her water bottle out of the holder before stepping off. "Take my situation for example. I'm sure everyone has their opinion on how I've handled it, and I'm sure some may believe I've handled it incorrectly. But I'm doing my best with it, and if society doesn't like it, so be it. I'm not going to apologize when I don't have to." She smiled softly and took a sip from her water as her wife entered the room.

"Hey, all of us are going to the bar as a final send off for Sullivan. I was just wondering if you wanted to come with us, but I understand if you don't. It's gonna be crowded and chaotic for sure." Maya smiled softly. If Carina had wanted to stay behind, she would've understood. Although she didn't think a bar was the best place for her, she wanted to at least give her the option.

"I don't know, Maya." Carina whispered as they shared a look. Even though she didn't want to be at the station alone, she didn't think a bar was really a good idea either. "All right, I'll go." She whispered after a brief pause. "Hopefully this doesn't end badly."

"It shouldn't, everyone is gonna be there and you know you can stay by me or anyone from Nineteen." Maya smiled. "Stay away from Maddox, though. He's a jerk from Twenty-Three that nobody really likes." As Carina nodded at her wife's words, she smiled. They left the room to change clothes, then went on their way to the bar.

The bar was packed, just as Maya had predicted. Unspoken tradition dictated that the captain would buy the first round of drinks whenever a fellow firefighter had died. More and more people trickled in, leaving little room for standing.

"Car, I'm gonna go talk to Andy." Maya smiled as she turned to look at her wife. Carina nodded and smiled back, signaling that she was going to stay with the group. Although she really didn't want Maya to leave her, she knew she would be fine with the rest of the group.

"Here are the drinks." Vic announced as she brought several glasses over, acting like she had done waitressing before. Her ability to carry so many glasses was a mystery to all of them. Vic tried to offer Carina a glass, but the brunette shook her head. "Come on, Carina, drink with us!"

Carina hesitated, looking between Vic and the glass the firefighter was holding out to her. She didn't want to be under the influence of anything while she was in a crowded bar. Even so, she felt like she had to be careful of every move she made. However, she also needed to relax. She knew she was surrounded by friends who would go to any lengths to protect her, but she still had a hard time remaining calm.

"Okay, fine." After taking the glass from Vic, she walked over to an empty spot at the bar and sat down. As she took a drink from the glass, she noticed that it tasted strange. It made her stomach feel queasy as she took another drink, which she immediately regretted as she sat her glass on the counter. As Jack noticed Carina rushing into the bathroom, he set his drink down and followed her. "Are you all right, Carina?" He asked as he pushed the bathroom door open. Vic was already by her side as she vomited into the toilet.

"Jack! This is the ladies room, get out before I hit you!" Vic yelled as her eyes traveled from Jack back to Carina. Jack threw his hands up and backed up a bit.