Cold All the Way Through, But Warming

Awkward Conversations

"I'll be down in a moment." I gave her a smile, setting my brush down. The wrapper I was wearing was appropriate enough to see her, all that I needed to do was to don a pair of slippers and hurtle down the staircase. The parlor had already been set up, a spread of sandwiches and sweets spread across the table around the tea service. I began pouring, "Mother, I wasn't expecting you."

"Yes, well, I figured I would stop in." She accepted the cup I handed her, black as she liked it. "And I wanted to see how you were holding up with Mr. Murdoch gone."

"I've been occupying myself." I shrugged, stirring in my sugar and cream. "I am having one of the wireless boys teach me how to use it."

She laughed a little at that, "French is useless to you, but a wireless system has your complete and utter attention."

"Everywhere we go in France has a staff that speaks English."

"Yes, well. I must admit that my concern for you extended a bit beyond what you are learning." Mother sipped her tea, and slowly set her cup back down on its saucer. I felt my gut begin to twist, dreading whatever she was going to say. Her fingers knitted together, she began to slowly speak. "Anastasia, I know this is a distasteful subject, but Reggie reported this to Peggy who passed this on to me. It appears Mr. Murdoch has been, how to put this delicately, indulging himself in certain acts. It is something men do, when they do not have a wife to come to. And I worry that he will tire of this method soon and begin to try and pressure you to permit him certain liberties before marriage."

I greedily slurped at my tea, hiding my burning face. "What liberties, Mother? He seems to have been content with kisses so far." Oh God, we had been so careful. Damn Reggie and his attention to detail.

"Men can only want kisses for so long." She sighed, looking down. "I am concerned that when he returns from his crossing he will be quite, oh how to put this, amorous and that he will try to convince you to do things for him. Things that will bring him pleasure, but only serve to degrade you."

"Are they distasteful?" I looked anywhere but at her, terrified she would be able to see the truth of it written on my face. I was also horrified that Mother was trying to discuss bedroom activities with me. She lacked the openness of Morgan, it felt as if she was pulling a tooth out through my stomach the way she was trying to approach this. I twisted my hands in my skirt. "Will has always told me that he would never force me to do anything that I would find distasteful, I can't imagine he would force me into these acts. They must be quite horrible."

She immediately looked away, "Within the confines of marriage, no they are not. But to indulge in them before vows have been sworn, it would make you no better than a lady of ill repute."

I tried to affect a gasp, "Mother, I would never want to lower myself to that." Thank God she didn't know what I'd done with Will. If she knew about everything, his house, my sitting room, the lighthouse, the boat house, not to mention my bed, she would die to hear it. God, Will and I had done practically everything but the final act. But I'd never tell her, I'd take that secret to the grave.

"I know, Anastasia. You've sworn it to me, and I believe you." Mother turned her attention to a small sandwich. "As has Mr. Murdoch, but a man in love, and in a certain mood, can be very persuasive. You must be the one in control."

"I am in control of myself, Mother. I promise."

"I know," She sighed, "Now, when you are married, Mr. Murdoch may decide to approach you at seemingly any moment to engage in marital relations. Anastasia, you must urge him to control himself, you must be the one to limit these acts until the appropriate time. And not only once you are married, but now. I caution you to not indulge in your kisses too often, for he may feel that he can begin to lead you to indulging him in further acts once you have begun to give him kisses whenever he wants." Mother fiddled with a cookie, "I would not want anyone to write about you and him getting carried away. You've seen the papers when a bride is a little too large on her wedding day. They're ridiculed."