Cold All the Way Through, But Warming

First Voyage

"I believe that as much as I believe that Zachary will suddenly donate his inheritance to charity." I had snorted, "But I won't mention it, as long as you don't mention that." Having reached an agreement, we had resumed a lovely afternoon tea. I had taken some time away from the offices to try to collect my thoughts, heading upstairs to where I might be able to think. They would leave tomorrow, and I would be here alone. I could hope for a wire, but it would be days before I would know if they arrived safe. I found myself wool-gathering in the library, staring at

Will found me in the library, and it was hardly a moment before I was in his arms as he swung me around, his voice light and laughing. "Ana, Oh God, Ana, it's wonderful."

I giggled, my hands on his shoulders. "What?"

"I'm to be first again, Captain Fraser told us all today. I'm first, and he's bumped Moody up to fifth." Will set me down, burying his face against my neck as he kissed at it. "He told me that I had everything in me to make Captain in the next couple years. And he doesn't have a chief above me, I'm the chief even though he just calls it first."

"Oh that is wonderful." I murmured against the side of his head, curling myself around him. "I'm so glad for you." My voice caught though, the lie of it sticking in my throat.

The kisses stopped, and Will pulled back. "Ana, what is it?"

"Nothing," I kissed his cheek, throwing my arms around him. "Nothing."

"I know you well enough to tell when you're lying." He grumbled, but he still held me close. "Now, tell me."

I was glad he couldn't see me, for the stinging in my eyes meant that there were tears threatening to fall. "I'm just going to worry Will, while you're gone. But I don't want you to think about it, not while you're out."

"Worry about what? That I'll have a girl in Southampton?" Will chuckled, his hands firm on my waist as he pulled me back to where he could see me. "You're the only girl for me Ana, you know that."

"Oh, it's not that at all." I shook my head, unwilling to voice what I thought.

"The Anastasia has a full complement of lifeboats. And you know how strong of a swimmer I am, and the water is much warmer now."

"But what if you get stuck below decks?"

"Ana, I'm on the bridge almost the entire time." He huffed, "You know that." He sat in a chair, pulling me into his lap. I flung my arms around him again, letting him pull me close to him. "It's only going to be two weeks. Part of one to get there, get unloaded, get reloaded, and part of the second to get back." His hands ghosted over my sides, making me shiver. "Then I'll be yours for a week before I head out again. And Captain Fraser has already said that he understands the social constraints your Mother is going to put on me. I'm welcome to stay and deal with them when they come up, and he'll still have my spot for me." I watched him grin, "Then you'll have me for three weeks, it's all alright."

"Oh Will," I whispered, utterly miserable. He was right, all the safety features on his ship were the latest, and he had been able to swim for hours at a time in Newport. I pressed my face to his chest, trying to convince myself that he'd be waiting for me two weeks from now.

"But I can't go Ana, not if I know you're going to be like this." His lips brushed against my ear, his arms wrapping around me. "I want you to promise me, promise me that you won't worry. We'll send a wire when the ship comes in, and I have no doubt you'll be in the offices waiting for it to be delivered." He chuckled, deep and rumbling against my chest. "Hell Ana, you might even be at the wireless taking it down." His voice grew somber though, his hold so tight that it almost hurt to breathe. "But I can't do this Ana if you're going to be miserable the entire time. Promise me, promise me that you'll not focus on it. You'll have Liz over for tea, and Morgan. Hell, go on a carriage ride with Oscar, as long as you take Liz or your Mother. But you have to promise me, Ana."