The Red Knight - Merlin BBC [2]

Chapter 24: Heart's Desire

It is as though Kohl's action has broken something in me, clearing the haze that I did not understand. Now everything makes sense to me.

"What's wrong?" Kohl asks breathlessly, his hands pushing my hair behind my ears.

I stumble, wanting to pull further away but unable to with his kind, respectful movements. I feel wrong for wanting to stay held by his soft, tender hands, but I remain unable to suppress the feelings that I finally understand. These feelings that I have had for Leon.

"I-I'm sorry, Kohl", I apologise, voice barely above a whisper. "We can't."

"Why not?" Kohl asks softly. "Have I done something wrong?"

"No, Kohl", I reassure. "It's just that I...."

I can't form the words. I can't believe that I didn't see it before. The longing glances, the pull to be with him, the flirtatious banter and light touches. I had gotten so used to being teased about it that I didn't stop to think if it was real.

Kohl waits patiently for an answer. He watches me closely, watching the emotions across my face as I'm lost for words. As I try to form something for him, I see the revelation come to his features, and he pulls away. "There's someone else."

"Kohl, I'm-"

"Don't apologise", Kohl quickly interrupts, taking one of my hands in his. "It was I who was forward. You can't help who you love. Whoever he is, he is a lucky man."

"Kohl, I like you", I honestly answer. "I wish things were different, but...."

"But you need him" Kohl smiles softly. "I understand...who is he?"

I flush. "Well, you've met him, actually."

"One of the knights?" Kohl questions, raising an eyebrow. "A little too vanilla for a girl like you, Edythe."

"Shut up", I blush, only gaining a chuckle from Kohl.

His usual smirk takes his lips. "It's the brave Sir Leon, isn't it?"

My stomach does leaps at the mention of his name. So that's what that fluttering in my stomach was about. "How did you know?"

Kohl chuckles again. "The way he looked at you when we saw them. It wasn't the way that a friend looks," he observes, hands returning to their usual place in his pockets. "I guess I accept this."

"Oh, you guess?"

Kohl shrugs. "At least it's not Gwaine."

I roll my eyes, hitting Kohl on the shoulder. "Hey, he's my friend. Be nice."

Kohl looks to the ground bashfully. "You should tell him, Edythe. Lifes too short, and all our days are quite numbered right now. Especially his."

I peer up at Kohl with a fondness I can't describe. Love, but not in a romantic sense. Love in a genuine wholeheartedness that is beyond friendship and beyond romantics. It's just an understanding, equality in all things. Like love you have for a sibling, a parent. Someone who's just there when you need them.

"Thank you, Kohl. I will," I whisper. "I'll make my feelings open and true. Then I will wait for him, on his terms...I think I've waited for Leon since the first time we spoke. And I think I'll wait for him forever. Even after I've died, I will wait."

Kohl smiles a genuinely beautiful smile. "Then we best figure out a way to safely get your friends out of here, huh?"

Unable to stop myself, I pull Kohl into a hug, revealing the warmth of him and his presence.

Although I know, we still have lots of work to do. I finally have hope again. Not just for winning this rebellion but also for the uncertainty of the future. I know that Leon may not share the same feelings as me, but I do not care. To see him and my family safe is all that matters to me.

I have never allowed myself to love, not romantically. It never seemed like something possible in my future. I couldn't picture it if someone asked me to describe what it looked like. Now, all I see is Leon. I couldn't imagine anyone else in my future like that. Of course, I've found men attractive, but never in a way, I would pursue anything.

Most of the men I have met have been too forceful, too rough and uncertain for something like that. Perhaps that is another reason that I didn't allow myself to see.

Kohl and I pull from our embrace abruptly as someone clears their throat. We both look aghast as we compose ourselves, putting on a professional appearance. Blaze watches us with a quirked eyebrow, eyes seeming to dart between us in suspicion.

After an awkward silence, Blaze finally lowers his eyes to me. "Ronon wishes to speak we you. Privately" he adds, eyes glaring at Kohl.

Kohl puts on his usual mask, looking down at Blaze defiantly.

"Thank you for telling me, Blaze", I offer, composing myself. "I'll see you later," I tell Kohl, the noble nodding to me as I hurry down the hall.

My heart leaps in my throat as I pass Blaze, his gaze so piercing it feels hateful. I offer him a frown as I pass, confused by his reaction. I don't receive any comfort as I commence in search of Ronon. The rumbling of Kohl and Blaze's voices echoes as I turn the corner, a stern and grave conversation taking place behind me.