Lost Daughter of Imee Marcos

Epilogue

At the funeral, I was standing next to Tina's coffin with Borgy, Mike, and Matt. There were maybe 100 chairs set up in the Arlington Memorial Chapel, despite the fact that it was two-thirds filled, it seemed one-third empty.

For a moment, I just stood there watching people approach the coffin, which was on a cart draped in a purple tablecloth. All of these people would stare at her for a bit, sometimes crying or saying something, and then they'd all touch the casket. Cameras are also everywhere but I didn't allow them to interview us.

I noticed Noelle sitting on the chair with Bonget and waved at me, he got up and shuffled over.
He hugged me. "Sorry for your loss, Imee. She loved you so much," Noelle said.
I cupped Noelle's face and smiled wistfully. I appreciate him for coming to Tina's funeral.

The minister said "Let us pray," Everyone bowed their head and prayed for Tina. After the prayer, The minister called up Irene.

"Vale has always been my North Star, I always tell her how happy I am to exist under the same stars as her. What a magic it is to be able to love her." Irene began. "Describe her, they said.  So I tried to think of all the things I could say about her. Like the color of her eyes and her defined bone structure. How she loved to make poems in her spare time and the way she speak so beautifully. No one can smile the way she does and the way her eyes light up when she sees us happy. But when I think about it, I couldn't quite describe Vale the way she deserved to be described. Because in the moments I am with her, I love her more than I will ever be able to epitomize." Irene spoke beautifully, it made me tear up.

After Irene paid tribute to Tina, the minister then called up my name.

I stood up and looked at Tina's casket before I speak. I am an over-prepared type of person but today I didn't even prepare any speech for Tina. It's not because she doesn't mean to me, it's because I haven't felt myself in days. My skies have been downpouring, and I let the flash flood of emotions drown me entirely.

I began with, "There's a peculiar thing about my Tina... It's overwhelmingly impressive how she can be both my adventure and home at the same time." My voice started breaking. God, I think I won't be able to continue without crying.

"Tina used to come into my room in the middle of the night and frighten the bejesus out of me, saying, 'Mom, I can't sleep. Can I sleep here?' Of course, I'd say yes, because who could say no to her adorable face? Tina had no idea that every time she sneaks into my room and wakes me up, it makes it difficult for me to fall asleep again. But it's okay! It's worth it because I got to watch her beautiful face till sunrise. I watched the sunrise, and she was sleeping by my side. I smiled to myself and thought, so this is what it feels like to dream with eyes wide open then I'll fall asleep. When I woke up, there was always a morning poem Tina wrote for me on my bedside table. I'll surely miss that. My three boys have flown the nest already. Tina was the one who keeps me sane, with her, I feel I can grow more. She waters me when I feel I might dry out. She cuts away the weeds that I've let consume me. She gives me air when I can't catch my breath. She always reminds me I am meant to be here when I feel I am everywhere else. She has been reunited with her papa and abuela. I hope she gets to meet my dad and her sister in heaven."

I returned my gaze to Tina's casket and murmur. "I should've hugged you tighter and longer the last time I saw you... Hug dad and your ate for me, baby bear."

9 months later...

She was too much young when she took her last breath so now it's her face I see in the tears that I shed. I choke on the bittersweet taste in my mouth from all the words left unsaid, unable to cope with the guilt that lives inside my head. Dark thoughts trespass their way into my mind, an imaginary clock ticks begging me to turn back time but instead, I am stuck here in the present each day spent missing her unforgettable presence.